Today, my girlfriend won't have sex with me. Why? Because my mii knocked out her mii in Wii boxing. It wouldn't be as bad if she wasn't in one player mode. FML

by knock_out / 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I took some new allergy medicine I had never tried before, and I didn't bother reading the side effects. I then went to school. It was almost an hour before dismissal when I had felt a warm feeling on my legs. One of the side effects to my new medicine was bladder control problems. FML

by darthinvader / 07/15/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I went to the dentist. My dentist kept talking to me while his hands were in my mouth. I attempted to tell him that it was difficult and dangerous to respond. My talking made him slip and slice my mouth open with one of his instruments. FML

by Username / 07/15/2010 at 3:53pm / Health

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

by photonut13 / 07/15/2010 at 6:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

by bigmikenyc / 07/15/2010 at 5:31am / United States / Transportation

Today, I was on webcam for the first time with a guy I've been texting for a while. Trying to show off my guitar skills, I lean down to pick it up and fell on my face. FML

by ditsy / 07/15/2010 at 5:17am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend woke up wheezing terribly, aching, and sneezing. He's allergic to cats. I have 2 and they are my babies. He gave me an ultimatum, him or the cats. I haven't figured out how I'm going to tell him that I choose the cats. FML

by BambooLove / 07/15/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Love

nwtngrl820's comment : tell him to get allergy medicine then u can have both

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Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

by lonely / 07/15/2010 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I ran into my boyfriend. The same guy that told me he was still in Florida with his family. FML

by sunkissedberries / 07/15/2010 at 12:12am / United States / Love

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

by readytomingle / 07/14/2010 at 10:37pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

by rofld / 07/14/2010 at 12:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

by safetyfirst / 07/14/2010 at 11:17am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

by Eyefreshener / 07/14/2010 at 2:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous