Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

by Craig / 02/17/2010 at 1:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my cousin - who suffers from bipolar disorder - shot herself in the chest and has only a 20 percent chance of living. I told my boyfriend, while crying, and he held me for a few minutes. As soon as I got quiet, he pulled out his iPhone and started playing a shooter game. FML

by lynn / 02/17/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

by Sophie / 02/17/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

by kippis05 / 02/17/2010 at 12:03am / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, in a sporting goods store, my mom walked over to the other side of the store, when a cute guy came over to talk to me. When she saw this she grabbed a bat, walked over to us and said "If you ever even look at my daughter again, I will beat you shitless." She was serious. He ran. FML

by batter--up / 02/16/2010 at 9:54pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

by misspriss / 02/16/2010 at 8:30pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my company car wrecked in a ditch. Apparently, leaving it parked on an icy hill all night was a bad idea. I have to pick up my manager from the airport. FML

by croleymd / 02/16/2010 at 8:29pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

by blaze / 02/16/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was pulling a car out of the shop where I work, when I tried to go over a small snow bank to park it. What I didn't realize was the snow had turned into solid ice, and it broke the front bumper cover. It's going to cost $1000 to fix it and I also had to call the owner. FML

by sacredsilence29 / 02/16/2010 at 4:16pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my pet rat had babies. We've only ever owned one rat. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2010 at 3:48pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned the reason they say don't keep your phone in high humidity places. I left my phone on the counter when I went to take a shower. It now won't turn on due to water damage and the warranty doesn't cover it. FML

by boo / 02/16/2010 at 3:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. I started putting my arm around her, when I hit her in the face. FML

by soomeone / 02/16/2010 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

by tacolove69 / 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy