Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

#9718
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12295) - you deserved it (44806)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:39am - intimacy - by menerethrr - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered in my house a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer except me. FML

#9673
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23798) - you deserved it (6846)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:24am - health - by Tori (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

#9653
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36577) - you deserved it (2504)

On 02/05/2009 at 10:14am - love - by lonely (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

#9520
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31763) - you deserved it (55622)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:09am - intimacy - by ruffrider (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

#9514
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56872) - you deserved it (20112)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

#9438
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43979) - you deserved it (13049)

On 02/05/2009 at 8:23am - animals - by #201 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML

#9285
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33975) - you deserved it (8840)

On 02/05/2009 at 6:41am - work - by fml (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to the doctor's office because I was sick. The male nurse led me back and when he weighed me, he said "Why do I get all the beefy girls today?". FML

#9160
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (3990)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:05am - health - by makinascene (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

#9051
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48408) - you deserved it (6997)

On 02/05/2009 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Barrel - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19365) - you deserved it (3958)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

#8816
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45218) - you deserved it (16105)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm - intimacy - by PlayTag (man) - United States (California)

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

#8789
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42989) - you deserved it (3253)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:40pm - kids - by teach - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

#8687
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31343) - you deserved it (12048)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm - animals - by EpicFail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: