Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

by englishfail / 01/15/2010 at 12:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

by Sonic / 01/15/2010 at 11:50am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I found out that my anxiety disorder has escalated to where I now scratch and pick at my face while asleep. Now I get to sleep with oven mitts taped to my hands. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2010 at 7:53am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

by Jumja / 01/15/2010 at 6:37am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

Today, I was dumped at the surprise party I threw for my boyfriend. FML

by TanjinaRubbaiyat / 01/15/2010 at 3:49am / Bangladesh (Dhaka) / Love

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

by Romantic / 01/15/2010 at 3:33am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

by Rin / 01/15/2010 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I received a phone call from my son's school. Apparently, for the past week he has been telling everyone "mummy works as a drug dealer." I'm a pharmacist. FML

Today, I decided to tell my husband our marriage was over after I found out that he'd not only been stealing from me, but he'd also been downloading child porn. He then asked if we could break up but live in the same house so I could help pay his bills. FML

by cuppincake / 01/15/2010 at 2:51am / Australia (South Australia) / Love

meirasanya's comment : Report him to the police! Stealing from you is illegal enough, but downloading child porn as well! He won't need to worry about bills from jail. It's also safer for children if he's locked away.

See all the comments

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

by Goobie / 01/15/2010 at 2:24am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

by beriles / 01/15/2010 at 12:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML

by hesaidwhat / 01/15/2010 at 12:07am / United States / Love

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

by RyanSmithN / 01/15/2010 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Transportation