Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

by Awkward / 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML

by kikinemo / 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

by dire-rear / 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm / Singapore / Health

Today, this huge wasp started flying around me. I freaked out and started running from it. Then I slipped, landed face-first in some dog poo, and got stung by the wasp on my leg. FML

by life_sucks / 01/16/2010 at 1:46pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Animals

Today, I wanted to remove my mustache hair with hot wax. The hair is still there, but my skin is all burnt dark brown. Tomorrow is my first day at school. FML

by queenofdeath / 01/16/2010 at 1:16pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found on the internet pictures of me sleeping. I sleep naked. FML

by be_so_slick_56 / 01/16/2010 at 12:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2010 at 11:44am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I rang my dad to tell him and my half-sister that I'm finally engaged. I then asked my half-sister to tell my stepmother. Still on speaker, I heard her run upstairs and pass the good news on. My stepmother responded with 'Cery who?', followed by 'So what? I can't stand her'. I'm Cery. FML

by ThatCery / 01/16/2010 at 11:29am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Miscellaneous

Today, my smoke alarm went off. In a frenzy, I called 9-1-1 and exited my house. Several minutes later a fire truck showed up. After investigating, one of the firemen informed me I needed to change the batteries in my smoke alarm. FML

by lollerskate / 01/16/2010 at 10:37am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

 Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friends house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said "who's this? stop texting me." FML

by Desperate_measures / 01/16/2010 at 7:22am / Greece (Attiki) / Love

Today, I was on a job trial at the local pet shop and, naturally, was doing all the disgusting jobs. As I was cleaning the kittens' litter in the cat enclosure, someone thought it would be funny to lock me in there. I sat in a giant cage in the middle of the store with people laughing at me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2010 at 4:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I found out what I look like drunk and naked while swinging a tennis racket thanks to a picture message forwarded to just about everyone I know and some I don't. Among the numbers the text was sent to was a familiar one. My mom's. FML

by ObeseCaveDweller / 01/16/2010 at 2:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got called into work and I was really excited to earn some extra money. One block from getting there I get pulled over. Apparently my tags were expired, and there goes half a weeks pay. FML

by bankergirl / 01/16/2010 at 2:22am / United States (Oregon) / Money