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Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

#1315849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52751) - you deserved it (2380)

On 04/25/2009 at 9:31am - work - by feistychick (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

#1315447
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14074) - you deserved it (73202)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:49am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met this guy I really liked at a party. We got chatting and then hit the dance floor. We had a "moment" and I went in to kiss him. He shot forward with his tongue already out. His eyes were open. FML

#1315252
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46728) - you deserved it (8901)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:18am - misc - by plasticfantastic - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

#1315045
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45818) - you deserved it (14292)

On 04/25/2009 at 7:50am - money - by Nicked (woman) - Israel

Today, I was doing a fitness test. Though clumsy, I managed to spin around a bat then dash across a balance beam, run through some tires, and walk across a log floating in water. Pleased with my performance, I walked to the bathroom, tripped on my shoelace, and busted my head on the floor. FML

#1314307
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45585) - you deserved it (4977)

On 04/25/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by Clumsy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

#1313726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50447) - you deserved it (5531)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:51am - intimacy - by bongoboy - United States (California)

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

#1312946
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9648) - you deserved it (55108)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

#1312643
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60562) - you deserved it (15732)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:39am - work - by CollegeGrad (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

#1311543
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43221) - you deserved it (15284)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by suckatlifeeexo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

#1310599
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44971) - you deserved it (4314)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by GreenMonstR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

#1309415
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52784) - you deserved it (2191)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:35am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22459) - you deserved it (59100)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Loe_307's comment : It's even more funny that he had the sense to lock his door and you didn't.

See all the comments →

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

#1306375
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50795) - you deserved it (2913)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Lo_Bolian (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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