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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the way to meet him. While chatting, I told him that I had a rip in my favorite jeans. When he sympathetically apologized, I said "It's okay, you're just going to take them off in a minute, anyway." I forgot my mom was in the car. FML

#5057922
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11425) - you deserved it (67819)

On 09/05/2009 at 9:39am - love - by leahbeuhh (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

#5055493
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28713) - you deserved it (17075)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:22am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 26th birthday party got busted by my parents due to them coming home early because of a flight cancellation. Everyone had to leave, but not before my mother made me go to my room. FML

#5055356
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21944) - you deserved it (44287)

On 09/05/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by joeshmoe (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

#5054885
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26623) - you deserved it (5664)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by LaurahLunatic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

#5054871
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41789) - you deserved it (5460)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:30am - love - by prin (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad bought me a new laptop for my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop for work, which is more expensive, has better specs, runs faster, and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgraded laptop as my birthday present. FML

#5054381
147 comments

Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML

#5053287
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47176) - you deserved it (3301)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:57am - misc - by HotCurry (man) - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were messing around and I always jokingly say "You're adopted, nobody loves you" to everybody. His reply, "That's pretty fucked up, I am adopted." He really was. FML

#5052603
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10321) - you deserved it (72988)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:23am - love - by tryfailtryget11 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

OhhxGoshhxAri's comment : Never say that! That's horrible!

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Today, as I was using my mom's computer, a spider crawled onto the screen. So as per my usual reaction to seeing a spider, I smashed it as fast as I could. I missed the spider, but now I have to buy my mom a new monitor. FML

#5052267
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8305) - you deserved it (41166)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:06am - animals - by spideypowers (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16462) - you deserved it (47092)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

#5050419
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24163) - you deserved it (5200)

On 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

bluelabeled's comment : ahaha. that's cute :p nerdy, but cute.

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Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

#5047038
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42357) - you deserved it (2282)

On 09/04/2009 at 7:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)



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