Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML

by Mom / 02/05/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was in the car with my 16 year old daughter. There was a guy on a fast looking motorcycle next to me at the stop light. I yelled to him to "get it up!" so that he would do a wheelie. Just before the light turned green he yelled back, "You're too old for me, but I'll get it up for her!" FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2010 at 1:18am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

by boostedsaab / 02/05/2010 at 12:35am / Love

Today, I got sent to detention for saying, "that's what she said" after a girl in my class said, "push a little harder" while disecting a frog. FML

by eemp / 02/05/2010 at 12:01am / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the store with my 4 1/2 year old daughter. When we got to the cosmetics aisle, she asked what make-up was for, I told her it was to make women prettier. My daughter then told me it was a good thing I wear make-up because I was ugly and that I might scare off my husband. FML

by 102496 / 02/04/2010 at 10:53pm / Kids

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

by ... / 02/04/2010 at 10:12pm / Miscellaneous

theman34's comment : you dick

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Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

by MafiaWarsWidow / 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I was riding a bus. After having a conversation with my friend, I looked down and saw a little boy looking at me. He asked, "Are you a boy or a girl?" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I responded that I was a girl, he said, "Oh. So, why do you have a boy voice then?" FML

by luciaspiano / 02/04/2010 at 7:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

by stoopidpoop / 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, after telling my girlfriend that I loved her, she dumped me claiming I was getting "too attached". I've already spent almost $400 on her Valentine's Day present. FML

by Dan1021 / 02/04/2010 at 2:31pm / Love

Today, I discovered that the rancid stench in my bathroom was a decaying carcass of a mouse in my toilet tank. FML

by Ewwwwww / 02/04/2010 at 1:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

by Minabee / 02/04/2010 at 1:28pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years spent a whole hour making me promise that if he ever died, I would never try to find someone else. FML

by confused / 02/04/2010 at 11:12am / Love