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Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

#765740
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24343) - you deserved it (48770)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

#765462
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66184) - you deserved it (7433)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:14pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23612) - you deserved it (105489)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12610) - you deserved it (125187)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

omglolydi's comment : Today, I called my girlfriend on the way to the hospital after I had been mugged. She thought I was joking. When I asked if she would like to speak to the paramedic taking care of me, she called me a nuisance. I wasn't joking. FML

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Today, we sparred for Tae Kwon Do. I forgot my cup, but I didn't think anyone sucked enough to hit me below the belt. 5 seconds into a match, some girl knees me in the happy sacks. After writhing in pain for 30 seconds, I got back up to spar. I didn't think she sucked enough to do it again. She did. FML

#763376
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58653) - you deserved it (28367)

On 04/02/2009 at 6:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got laid off from work. I was being escorted to the elevator when another coworker stepped inside. He said, "How goes it?". I said, "It goes". Then he said, "At least we have a job". FML

#761537
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65385) - you deserved it (3183)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by Dude - United States (California)

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

#761502
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67822) - you deserved it (7069)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by SupaSu - Canada (British Columbia)

It_Doesnt_Matter's comment : HOLY FUCKING SHIT, NEW FAVORITE FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahah I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND.

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Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

#761091
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83429) - you deserved it (6409)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:09am - work - by olalala2382 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend was saying how her "nano" died. I quickly responded by saying, "So? Recharge it." Turns out she didn't say "nano"; she'd said "nana." FML

#760486
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25464) - you deserved it (47034)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

#760336
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18294) - you deserved it (70076)

On 04/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by aprilfooled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

#758026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77597) - you deserved it (5169)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

#757455
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8969) - you deserved it (103342)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm - misc - by lisa321 (woman) - United States (Florida)

sleepless15_p's comment : You are an asshole. Why would you be so rude to the employees anyways?

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