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Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date with someone he said was very hot. I'm not exactly what you call fit, so I haven't been dating lately. As soon as I got to the restaurant, I spotted the girl. She looked me up and down, said, "You have GOT to be kidding me" and left. FML

#290842
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63897) - you deserved it (6836)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by tomtomcutiepoof (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a $200 ticket mailed to me for drunk driving in Maryland. I have never been pulled over for drunk driving and I have never been to Maryland. FML

#290845
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88989) - you deserved it (3825)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:38pm - money - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (133954) - you deserved it (20175)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it. The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour. After he left, I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to my face for fun that morning. FML

#285039
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16111) - you deserved it (65272)

On 03/12/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by Jaeda (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

#284882
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53132) - you deserved it (27990)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:56pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63222) - you deserved it (21316)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the really hot guy that works in the same building as me came to work after being away for the past two days. I said "Look who finally decided to come to work." His response: "I had a death in the family, thanks." FML

#283908
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5981) - you deserved it (20797)

On 03/12/2009 at 2:57pm - work - by ... - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (258401) - you deserved it (47604)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

RHK's comment : It's always hard to believe that there are parents out there that are this f***ed up. That sucks man, sorry to hear it.

See all the comments →

Today, I was woken up by the sound of power tools at 6:30am. I stuck my head out my window and yelled at them to shut up. They didn't stop. I walked out the front door to find the bastard. It was firemen. They were sawing down the door of my neighbour's burning house. FML

Today, I called a priest "lame". He responded jokingly with "God will smite you!" I laughed and walked out the door. I tripped and broke my ankle. FML

#280211
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33101) - you deserved it (96436)

On 03/12/2009 at 8:07am - health - by lolzor (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

#280083
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140116) - you deserved it (15707)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was on a standing on a crowded bus going home after school. A wriggling 5 year old boy and his mum left the seat to get off the bus. Since no one looked keen to sit on the seat, I did, only to find out that it was covered in pee. FML

#280040
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47954) - you deserved it (10093)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:09am - misc - by Noname - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

#279813
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (122331) - you deserved it (6586)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:59am - misc - by Ondskansgris (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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