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Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

#483851
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (135292) - you deserved it (13385)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - intimacy - by firsttimer69 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

#483847
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (89690) - you deserved it (7033)

On 03/20/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by itsgotime (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33542) - you deserved it (134644)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)

amirn86's comment : Wait... did he pull you over by chance or was it that he told you he was going to? And you are a total douchebag if you were driving with a .15 and you deserve to go to jail. DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE PERIOD

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Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML

#483227
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14545) - you deserved it (94114)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

#482680
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11585) - you deserved it (74657)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by lukey_G (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

#481871
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99891) - you deserved it (5616)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by rmb131 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

olivejuice's comment : Isn't it a little inappropriate to ask what turns on your 4 year old?

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Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16352) - you deserved it (94157)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

#480459
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62772) - you deserved it (8586)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:34pm - misc - by churchgoer (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML

#474818
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69060) - you deserved it (4019)

On 03/19/2009 at 8:07pm - misc - by shelteredchild (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

#473847
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125088) - you deserved it (12702)

On 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm - intimacy - by ufhdafuhds (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

alex_vik's comment : LOL, that's a first. I wonder what it said.. 1. Finger her. 2. Put on condom 3. Insert penis 4. ???? 5. Profit!

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Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

#470055
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33380) - you deserved it (87788)

On 03/19/2009 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by LindseyS (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, at 4:00 a.m., I woke up and realized that I had thrown an expensive gift certificate for a friend in the garbage. Since it was garbage day, I ran out in the rain in my pajamas and rifled through all three bags of garbage. Twice. I found the gift certificate. It was in my pocket. FML

#469671
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24755) - you deserved it (54076)

On 03/19/2009 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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