Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

by Rejection / 05/04/2010 at 3:33am / Intimacy

Today, I signed in my msn messenger. Everyone in my friends list apparently changed their status to 'busy' or 'away' when they saw me online, including my crush. FML

by everyonehatesme / 05/02/2010 at 4:37am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Geek

Today, I watched my boyfriend feed his cat and change his profile on both myspace and facebook before saying to me that he was "Too busy to have sex." FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2010 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

by sam / 05/01/2010 at 8:12pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash a KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

by Michelle / 04/26/2010 at 5:42pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't lick the whipped cream I had on my nipples because "That stuff is full of calories." FML

by Rowden / 04/26/2010 at 5:58am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2010 at 6:00am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

by ncjarhead / 04/24/2010 at 7:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was getting my portrait done. The artist told me to smile. He looked at me, then said, "Oh, don't smile." FML

by :) / 04/22/2010 at 1:37pm / Greece (Attiki) / Health

Today, a customer came into the music shop I work in to look at guitars. After calling the customer "Dude," and "Man," numerous times, they stalked off suddenly. When I asked if everything was okay, they responded with, "I'm female, you asshole!" FML

by Z88 / 04/21/2010 at 4:29pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a restaurant with a few other couples, and my boyfriend started to rant on how "all the hot chicks are dumb." Apparently, I'm either ugly or stupid. FML

by uglyorstupid / 04/20/2010 at 12:46pm / Croatia (Grad Zagreb) / Love

Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML

by buttpicker / 04/19/2010 at 7:24pm / United States / Animals

Arteaga's comment : well there you go, apparently he was helping you out aswell..giving you a bag to pick up the crap.

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Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2010 at 4:36pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy