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Today, I jokingly had kinky conversation via text message with a good guy friend. He was pretending to be a stranger and was fishing for compliments and asked to have a foursome. Turns out, my friend lost his phone and I spent 2 hours talking to a pervert about what lingerie I was wearing. FML

#370215
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49434) - you deserved it (37273)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by textraped (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

#369529
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79840) - you deserved it (14347)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

Today, I was rejected from the University of Washington. My dad has been a professor there for 30 years, and is on the board of admissions. FML

#366764
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (387669) - you deserved it (89265)

On 03/16/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)

vonstrangle's comment : That must be equally embarrassing for him.

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Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

#365324
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (191722) - you deserved it (27182)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Jasper's comment : your mom's a bitch.

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Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

#364382
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (180116) - you deserved it (28477)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)

jackaaa's comment : Aww baby penis.

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Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (643647) - you deserved it (434464)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

#360907
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71429) - you deserved it (16531)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (210685) - you deserved it (35085)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I heard back from my store management interview at Target. I was offered an overnight stock clerk position. When I called HR to find out if my application was in the wrong file I was told I lack the leadership qualities necessary for Target. I graduated with honors from a military school. FML

#357279
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76549) - you deserved it (5457)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by yanksbitethebig1 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I rode in the cab on the way back to my dorm from the airport. The taxi driver was on the phone and not really paying attention. I paid him and got out of the cab, but he drove away before I could get my luggage out of the trunk. FML

#355995
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68138) - you deserved it (4771)

On 03/15/2009 at 8:49pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

#350139
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72566) - you deserved it (27180)

On 03/15/2009 at 6:45pm - intimacy - by Moanie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

#346119
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111654) - you deserved it (15758)

On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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