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Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML

#331058
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60328) - you deserved it (9716)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - misc - by storyofmylife - United States

Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML

#333311
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38510) - you deserved it (64401)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - kids - by superfkd (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating at a restaurant in town, when this small boy starts looking at me. I simply smiled and went back to eating, only to hear out of the corner of my ear, "Daddy, why does that kids face look like that"? He said it so loud 3 tables next to us turned and looked. FML

#330235
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47138) - you deserved it (2992)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:46pm - kids - by maximumpower (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

#329882
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26258) - you deserved it (283519)

On 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm - misc - by SwedishBozo (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

mogan's comment : that is exactly what you get for talking about people like that. what an arrogant prick. do you and your family have nothing better talk about? i'm pretty sure, i've never met you, that if you were a puddle, my feet wouldn't even get wet because you are such a shallow douche bag. what a shamefully pathetic life you are living. i hope karma bit you in the ass hard for that one, asshole.

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Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

#328244
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67177) - you deserved it (8816)

On 03/14/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by evanescence (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

#327078
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80794) - you deserved it (6855)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm - health - by imfullthanks (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

#324615
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59190) - you deserved it (16405)

On 03/14/2009 at 4:55pm - money - by california (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

#323384
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70224) - you deserved it (3495)

On 03/14/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by chessgeeksam - United States (New Jersey)

Today, My girlfriend who I've been dating for over a year was going to Florida for a short trip with a few friends without me since I couldn't get work off. She asked me to put her iPod in her bag for her as she was almost ready to walk out the door. Thats when I saw she packed 10 condoms with her. FML

#322339
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104145) - you deserved it (5515)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:25pm - love - by that1guy (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

#322289
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30346) - you deserved it (75882)

On 03/14/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

#320737
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69363) - you deserved it (16320)

On 03/14/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18216) - you deserved it (187880)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

PTERONOPHOBIA's comment : I hope youre exaggerating when you say you actually yelled at him for that.

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Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

#319307
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79125) - you deserved it (8234)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by CPN (woman) - United States (Texas)



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