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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML

#34266
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45035) - you deserved it (7041)

On 02/12/2009 at 10:46pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML

#33444
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45386) - you deserved it (4544)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Duckie W (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML

#33255
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16134) - you deserved it (36396)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by SmokedSalmon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77152) - you deserved it (9993)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

#30994
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35420) - you deserved it (8993)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by skipper - United States (Tennessee)

Today, campus security called to inform me that my car had been in an accident. I rushed down to the security office to find most of the officers laughing. A portable john blew over on to my car and smashed my rear window. Now, security calls me "Port-A-Potty Guy," and my car smells like shit. FML

#30969
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37900) - you deserved it (1749)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by Johnny on the Spot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was sitting at home, venting to my parents about how I never get asked out by any of the guys at school. My Dad's words of wisdom were, "Don't worry, looks don't matter so much in college. Once they've had a few beers in them, they'll date anything." FML

#30954
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41216) - you deserved it (3659)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by cdaniel2 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

#30754
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24325) - you deserved it (48731)

On 02/12/2009 at 11:17am - intimacy - by florisvanlent (man) - Netherlands (Drenthe)

Today, I found out my teacher writes descriptions next to people's names on the register to remind him who people were. By mistake the descriptions appeared on the computer projector. Next to my name it said "Tubby". FML

#30377
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37403) - you deserved it (4488)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:37am - misc - by atterz123 (man) - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML

#30362
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10650) - you deserved it (31908)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by KWM (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

#30360
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10422) - you deserved it (49842)

On 02/12/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by a genius (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

#30294
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39751) - you deserved it (11866)

On 02/12/2009 at 7:14am - intimacy - by thegoldenboy3 (man) - Spain (Andalucia)

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

#30273
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18277) - you deserved it (44497)

On 02/12/2009 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Evil_Egbert (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)



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