Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

by Fefe / 07/12/2010 at 10:43pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was cleaning my room when I found a nice surprise from my cat. While I was on vacation, she killed a mouse. By the time I found it, there were maggots crawling in my carpet. FML

by maggotsinmycarpet / 07/12/2010 at 4:56pm / United States / Animals

Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

by jazthefish / 07/12/2010 at 3:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

by Wrongtoilet / 07/12/2010 at 4:28am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that I've gained so much weight that even my feet have stretch marks. FML

by fat / 07/12/2010 at 3:52am / United States / Health

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

by LexiBoBexi / 07/12/2010 at 1:38am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

by Sarah220 / 07/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML

by RachelVanLannen9 / 07/11/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

by Nancy / 07/11/2010 at 7:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2010 at 2:18pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had an interview. I didn't get the job because apparently customers might not understand me, since I "talk too good." I just graduated with an English degree. FML

by alejandro38 / 07/11/2010 at 10:44am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML

by awkwardsituation / 07/11/2010 at 4:05am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy