Today, my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me when he decided he wasn't in love with me anymore. We gave our stuff back, he was joking and happy the whole time until I told him I was taking back my cat. At that point he burst into tears. FML

by stunned / 03/15/2010 at 11:27am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I got mugged. They wanted my phone and wallet. The most important thing in my wallet was my fully punched Smoothie King card. FML

by ashleeylynn / 03/15/2010 at 11:05am / United States / Money

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was ‘This is less work and less involving.’ FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 10:05am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

by PunchingKennyLoggins / 03/15/2010 at 9:33am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

by pizzaface / 03/15/2010 at 7:50am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

by shygurl434 / 03/15/2010 at 5:14am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, I seriously considered labelling myself as 'in a relationship' on Facebook, even though I haven't been in one since '92, so I can hide just how desperate I am. FML

by MrsRockyHorror / 03/15/2010 at 4:11am / United States (Vermont) / Love

Today, my boyfriend ran accidentally head-first into my face and left me with a giant black eye. My mother is convinced I had a seizure in a park somewhere and won't listen when I tell her she's wrong, and everyone else thinks my boyfriend is abusive. FML

by el211 / 03/15/2010 at 3:35am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I woke up late for a very important presentation. I got dressed but forgot to wear a bra. During the presentation, I bent down to adjust a shoe strap. I rose to find that the thin straps of my blouse snapped and exposed my breasts. I gave a great presentation and a titty show. FML

by exposed / 03/15/2010 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

by kukadaman / 03/15/2010 at 2:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I learned that a few pubes on your bed can stop you from getting laid. FML

by PubelishedAuthor / 03/15/2010 at 2:00am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 1:41am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

maskedman's comment : Apparently he never had the "boys have a penis and girls have a vagina" talk with his mommy and daddy.

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Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed but out of business. FML

by Fridaythe12th / 03/15/2010 at 12:51am / United States (California) / Money