Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19339) - you deserved it (73571)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

#740142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27193) - you deserved it (57550)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

#739087
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11706) - you deserved it (49307)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML

#738604
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63917) - you deserved it (8398)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:04am - love - by internetadvice (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

#737315
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53885) - you deserved it (4626)

On 03/31/2009 at 11:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

#736026
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57578) - you deserved it (4877)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I barely pass my physics test with a 52. With anger I tore up the test in many small pieces and threw it out. As the class was taking the test up, the teacher found a mistake in the marking and asked us to return them back to him so he can change our grade. I would have gotten an 80. FML

#731788
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15340) - you deserved it (86382)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

#731686
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61866) - you deserved it (5800)

On 03/31/2009 at 8:07pm - love - by jkl54 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

#726983
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96239) - you deserved it (9123)

On 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by poo_shoe123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

#726526
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65647) - you deserved it (3674)

On 03/31/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

#724794
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50687) - you deserved it (30517)

On 03/31/2009 at 2:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML

#723787
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54273) - you deserved it (7308)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was having sex with this girl I met in stats class when my roommate walked in. He started applauding and said, "$20 bucks for me! I knew you weren't gay!" Him and my other roommate had a bet. They are my best friends. FML

#722457
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81875) - you deserved it (7958)

On 03/31/2009 at 11:35am - intimacy - by CBBP (man) - United States (Tennessee)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: