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Today, I went for a jog. I had stopped at an intersection to let a car go by. The car stopped and the driver waved me on, so I started jogging again. After a few steps, I feel a sharp pain in my side, then wake up in the hospital. The driver 'accidentally' hit the gas. FML

Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML

#985016
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73785) - you deserved it (3558)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:48am - money - by A. (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

#984041
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42136) - you deserved it (22474)

On 04/15/2009 at 2:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my aunt informed me that she thinks I'm faking the debilitating disease I've had for the past 13 years. Apparently she thinks I just don't want to go to college or get a job, and that I like living on disability. She also added that my entire extended family agrees with her. FML

#983343
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73160) - you deserved it (5524)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

#983061
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15986) - you deserved it (80677)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by christinabear (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend drove me me to catch the 8 pm train. Running late, we screeched into the parking lot at 7:57, stopped the car in a 'no stop' zone. I said goodbye to my friend, sprinted to my train and barely made it. Then, with the train in motion, I noticed my friend's car keys in my hand. FML

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

#982369
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17065) - you deserved it (52932)

On 04/15/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95017) - you deserved it (38917)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Jimboom's comment : Ha ha! Good attempt at an excuse but we all now know that your into a bit of bondage ya dirty bugger.

See all the comments →

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

#980782
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49782) - you deserved it (5331)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:15pm - health - by bobbies (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

#979706
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46028) - you deserved it (9941)

On 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and clips his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML

Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML

#976819
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (184038) - you deserved it (12719)

On 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Hiphopopotamoose's comment : Cancel her trip! =)

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Today, a cute boy told me I looked like a celebrity. Flattered, I asked who I resembled. He responded by saying that I looked exactly like Ugly Betty. He was serious. FML

#973990
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54374) - you deserved it (5110)

On 04/14/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by wishbone - Canada (Ontario)



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