Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

by ick / 07/30/2010 at 9:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

by nitroman64 / 07/30/2010 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my 20 year old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

by anne / 07/30/2010 at 7:23pm / Canada / Transportation

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

by MLZ / 07/30/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

by Tree / 07/30/2010 at 7:34am / Love

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

by hairless / 07/30/2010 at 2:45am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Cinn's comment : That's basically a guy who wants a permanent excuse to not go down on you, OP. :P

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Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2010 at 2:38am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

by rosesareyellow / 07/30/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Alabama) / Geek

Today, I threw a party at my girlfriend's house before her parents came home from vacation. After the party, I found all of her mom's favorite wine glasses broken. I spent $500 on new glasses, and wrote a huge apology for the party and the damage. She got home and told me that they were already broken. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2010 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

by BadGirlfriend12 / 07/29/2010 at 10:29pm / United States / Love

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

by Richmond24 / 07/29/2010 at 3:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I was looking through my boyfriends phone, when I found a naked picture of myself. Too bad I haven't sent him any. Ever. FML

by Sunshine.0.ninja / 07/29/2010 at 2:28pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2010 at 2:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Serafie's comment : You asshole. "Woah, this chick came to my sobbing her eyes out. Time to scooooooore!" What the fuck is wrong with you? She's crying and your first thought is asking her out?

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