Today, I was walking through the mall with my husband. We came across a guy who was selling some weight loss pills. He tried to sell me some and I kindly declined. He told me not to deny my weight problems. Thanks. I'm 7 months pregnant. FML

by KateD / 03/06/2010 at 12:16am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

by mariah_1_11 / 03/06/2010 at 12:14am / United States (Indiana) / Love

okieraider71's comment : In case you don't know it, they are not your friends. And you are not too bright.

See all the comments

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

by shortiem / 03/06/2010 at 12:14am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a soldier in my unit had unknowingly lost a GPS in the woods and my section was sent to go find it. After hours of wading through chest high swamps in 32 degree weather, the GPS was found, thanks to the soldier who lost it. It was in his vest. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

by mrrichkid / 03/05/2010 at 8:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Money

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

by artsmart1 / 03/05/2010 at 7:40pm / United States / Health

Today, there was a flood at my friends house. As a result, their cat shelter had to be evacuated, and my mother decided to help. I came home to 23 cats in my bedroom. I'm highly allergic. My face has now swollen up to the size of a football, and I have an important job interview tomorrow. FML

by FsuesLife / 03/05/2010 at 5:02pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandma's cat peed on my full leg cast. The closest doctor was a three hour drive away. So my grandma wouldn't take me at all the whole weekend. FML

by murphx3x / 03/05/2010 at 3:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm seven months into a twelve month deployment. I called my fiancée, and she dumped me. The worst part is that two days ago, I re-enlisted to go to a unit an hour away from her house. FML

by copenhagen20 / 03/05/2010 at 3:21pm / United States (Armed Forces Africa) / Love

Today, while in bed, my nose became runny. Being as tired as I was, I decided to ignore it until the morning. Turns out it was a nose bleed, and my pillowcase is ruined. FML

by RustyGuy / 03/05/2010 at 1:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mother stormed into my room shouting about how I never go anywhere and then tells me to go out "NOW" and do something. As she is pushing me out the door, her boyfriend walks in. FML

by FatalxDesire599 / 03/05/2010 at 10:39am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

by jonnah / 03/05/2010 at 8:06am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 7:54am / United States (Georgia) / Love