Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

#4677872
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44515) - you deserved it (2852)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:45am - misc - by tommy3824 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw my wife pick her nose and suck on her fingers. We're 38. FML

#4677769
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41486) - you deserved it (5064)

On 08/20/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by GroosedOut (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

#4677149
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19689) - you deserved it (40842)

On 08/20/2009 at 7:02am - misc - by anon9876542 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

#4676323
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19797) - you deserved it (43767)

On 08/20/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by guitar_chick7 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

#4674126
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18796) - you deserved it (45798)

On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML

#4673205
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10633) - you deserved it (96035)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

#4673075
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60109) - you deserved it (10404)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by shitforchris (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

#4672894
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9855) - you deserved it (61856)

On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

#4664067
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40654) - you deserved it (15833)

On 08/19/2009 at 8:01pm - work - by SweetFA (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML

#4663591
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50088) - you deserved it (10691)

On 08/19/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by Rainbow92 (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

#4662087
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53761) - you deserved it (7202)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by kneesarethenewdesk (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, a completely drunk girl walked across the bar and punched me in the face because I was wearing the same dress as her, and her boyfriend said it looked better on me. While I was screaming at her for being a stupid bitch, she puked all over me, wiped her mouth and laughed before she passed out. FML

#4661982
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63462) - you deserved it (4404)

On 08/19/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I re-dislocated my arm trying to get it out of the cast it was in because I didn't want to pay the $50 dollar fee to get it taken off. FML

#4660097
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9288) - you deserved it (89318)

On 08/19/2009 at 5:02pm - health - by flaps (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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