Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

by clu / 08/10/2010 at 2:07am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

by dammit / 08/10/2010 at 1:19am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

by llmd / 08/10/2010 at 12:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my mom signed me up for Weight Watchers as a surprise birthday present. FML

by fatman / 08/09/2010 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, after moving into my new house, I agreed to let my house mates have a house warming on the condition it be a small one, as I have exams all day that day and one that I can't fail on the very next morning. The facebook event guest list now has 100+ confirmed guests. FML

by mitsuko045 / 08/09/2010 at 8:33pm / Ireland (Mayo) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supposed to take a test, but the professor didn't have it ready because he went to a concert last night. I sold my own tickets to that very concert in order to study for the test. FML

by goodstudent / 08/09/2010 at 1:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

by Scabs / 08/09/2010 at 12:54pm / United States (Utah) / Transportation

Today, the sprinklers in the hotel room came on and stayed on. There was no fire. My family is currently living in the hotel, so everything we own is soaked. FML

by Username / 08/09/2010 at 12:08pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. But it's okay; I wasn't expecting anything after he forgot my birthday, Valentine's Day, and my name. FML

by Forgotten / 08/09/2010 at 10:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my brother's girlfriend and my girlfriend went out shopping. My brother's girlfriend bought a pair of killer black heels and a box of condoms. My girlfriend bought a pair of orange Crocs and a vibrator. FML

by Mikey832 / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the drive-through and ordered 5 cheeseburgers. I told the cashier that some of them were for my girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend, and I ate all of them by myself. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2010 at 9:24am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I misspelled the word "failure" in front of all my co-workers. Now I'm not given any writing tasks. FML

by Fml24609 / 08/09/2010 at 4:29am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML

by hard / 08/09/2010 at 3:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy