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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML

#1930454
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17042) - you deserved it (94898)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (362049) - you deserved it (17992)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

xyzstephzyx's comment : best friend ...? yeah right. punch her in the mouth, that whore. happy birthday!

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Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62078) - you deserved it (5807)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

#1927790
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56616) - you deserved it (4954)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:22am - love - by heartbreakkid21 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

#1926739
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62028) - you deserved it (2590)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by Hank (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

#1926595
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23969) - you deserved it (51167)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:11am - work - by MC (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

#1925712
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52967) - you deserved it (14789)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

#1923486
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61559) - you deserved it (13793)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by peoplesuck (man) - United States

Apocalyptus's comment : Heh, I'd be proud of it - seeing as you can now wear a shirt saying "FUCKER" on it without getting in trouble!

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Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

#1922791
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45070) - you deserved it (5922)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

#1922061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36399) - you deserved it (4615)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Badnewca (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

#1918683
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58343) - you deserved it (6932)

On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)



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