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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

#2372451
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51885) - you deserved it (3074)

On 05/28/2009 at 12:52pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went hiking at a park by my house with my camera to do some still life. On my way home I noticed some tree blossoms in someone's backyard and tried to take pictures of them over their fence. In minutes, I was approached and interrogated by cops because they thought I was a peeping tom. FML

Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML

#2367025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13001) - you deserved it (43005)

On 05/28/2009 at 3:14am - health - by KKimrae_ness (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

#2364469
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52435) - you deserved it (2983)

On 05/28/2009 at 1:04am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

#2363233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63237) - you deserved it (2479)

On 05/28/2009 at 12:19am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

#2357341
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47336) - you deserved it (4319)

On 05/27/2009 at 9:40pm - animals - by KitKat270 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a real Japanese restaurant with my sister and mom, where you had to take off your shoes and sit on the floor. After the meal, I realized my shoes were no longer where I put them. For the seven years the restaurant has been open, I'm the first person to get their shoes stolen. FML

#2355217
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49090) - you deserved it (3235)

On 05/27/2009 at 8:51pm - misc - by Jdub (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2350763
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16594) - you deserved it (68415)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm - work - by waterproblem (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

dianeface's comment : Trust me, the high school kids will think its hilarious.

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Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58436) - you deserved it (7468)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

#2344396
420 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16626) - you deserved it (109607)

On 05/27/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by tarini (woman) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

maxv_15's comment : DUUUUURRRRRRRRRR. you so deserved that one. making life changing decisions based on your EX boyfriend... HAHAHA. YOU LOSE

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Today, at Jiffy Lube a woman and her 4 year-old son were waiting at the checkout counter. As I walk by them, her son mistakes me for his father and holds my hand. The woman immediately grabs her son's wrist, looks at me, and says "Sicko." FML

#2341897
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53396) - you deserved it (2560)

On 05/27/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by thebigpeezy - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

#2341558
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48556) - you deserved it (6768)

On 05/27/2009 at 2:15pm - kids - by boo (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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