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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

#720551
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49363) - you deserved it (15036)

On 03/31/2009 at 5:08am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

#719955
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68760) - you deserved it (4347)

On 03/31/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by Krissy. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (128926) - you deserved it (14528)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister got mad at me because I wouldn't let her read my IM conversation. I took a nap and when I woke up, my laptop was gone. She took it on a trip to her grandparents' house, six hours away. Nude pictures of me and my paper due tomorrow are on the laptop. FML

#718784
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60067) - you deserved it (28068)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:32am - kids - by somerandomchick (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12432) - you deserved it (65039)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

#717975
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24343) - you deserved it (82391)

On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

#713062
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111000) - you deserved it (5861)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:43pm - intimacy - by Julie - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

#711978
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101064) - you deserved it (5258)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

#710815
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96473) - you deserved it (15930)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

#709735
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (105332) - you deserved it (7786)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by Jenny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my bosses house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4 foot cake before passing out. FML

#706614
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28917) - you deserved it (74549)

On 03/30/2009 at 6:17pm - work - by Donzai (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML

#705801
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53473) - you deserved it (16656)

On 03/30/2009 at 5:44pm - misc - by talkssuck (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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