Today, I went to visit my parents after 4 years of not seeing them. They moved without telling me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2010 at 1:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

by Dandruff / 05/24/2010 at 12:14pm / Health

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

by weirdedout / 05/24/2010 at 11:14am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

by gedderdunn / 05/24/2010 at 2:13am / Reserved / Love

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

by HairyLeggedItalian / 05/24/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, finally we got our toddler daughter to sleep in her own bed. The wife and I were both excited to finally have our room to ourselves. Just as our daughter was about to fall asleep, the damn cat went into her room and loudly hacked up a huge hairball. Now she's back in mommy's and daddy's bed. FML

by blahblah / 05/24/2010 at 12:14am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I have both a cold and a period. Tomorrow, I will have a cold, my period and my wisdom teeth taken out. FML

by Unlucky / 05/23/2010 at 8:22pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

by THANKS4theINFO / 05/23/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, was parent appreciation day at my daughter's KG class. On the stage, each child was asked to define each parent in one word. When it was my daughter's turn, she looked at me hard, thinking. Finally, in the end she said, "My daddy is very fat." Everybody stared. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2010 at 7:00pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

by rkl2010 / 05/23/2010 at 2:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, the supervisory staff at work was changed in my area. The good news? My boyfriend is now my manager. The bad news? My ex, the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with, is our supervisor. FML

by nick_of_time / 05/23/2010 at 10:23am / United States (Maryland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

by Oops / 05/23/2010 at 5:21am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

by Maxie-Nathanial / 05/23/2010 at 5:10am / United States / Intimacy