Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy

Lozza111's comment : haha, your bf is awesome, stop complaining

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Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

by highlandgirl10 / 07/21/2010 at 4:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I found out that my husband was trying to cheat on me while I was away at basic training. I signed up for the service to pay off his debt. FML

by Jessi / 07/21/2010 at 3:32pm / United States / Love

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

by Syrinth / 07/21/2010 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

by Goody2shoes / 07/21/2010 at 12:08pm / India (Maharashtra) / Health

Today, I came home to my boyfriend wearing one of my pads on his hand, because he didn't want to pay to go to the hospital for stitches. FML

by blank / 07/21/2010 at 9:52am / United States / Health

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

by fattysonparade / 07/20/2010 at 9:57pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

by jjjjjjmmmmm92 / 07/20/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Work

natas's comment : great job! did you punch her in the stomach afterward too?

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Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

by notmuchfun / 07/20/2010 at 5:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML

by Ohshucks! / 07/20/2010 at 3:01pm / United States / Love

Today, I found my lost iPhone earbuds. In the cat litter box. I am 100% sure that they passed through my cat to get there. FML

by brentkd / 07/20/2010 at 12:34pm / United States / Animals

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:29pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I took my driving test for the first time. The instructor stopped it after less than ten minutes, and insisted she drive back to the test centre "in the interest of public safety." FML

by Speedy / 07/20/2010 at 9:33am / United Kingdom (Durham) / Transportation