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Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

#2093858
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27049) - you deserved it (96471)

On 05/19/2009 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by Kens (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Bleep's comment : What kind of attention whore discusses raunchy details of their sex life on the bus, loud enough for others to hear, anyway?

See all the comments →

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

#2086057
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10040) - you deserved it (68900)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by June (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

#2082819
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40801) - you deserved it (25494)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by Deconstructed (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while I was on my laptop, I decided to take a nap. Little did I know that my leg was covering up the cool air intake underneath the machine. I woke up an hour later with a first degree burn on my thigh. From a laptop. FML

#2080741
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20490) - you deserved it (40789)

On 05/19/2009 at 2:49pm - misc - by laptopsRus (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17316) - you deserved it (65828)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was flying back home from college with my Mom. At the airport, the ticket agent tells us she only has one ticket listed for Margaret. My mom and I have the same name. American Airlines thought a Margaret had bought two tickets by mistake, so they cancelled one of the transactions. FML

#2077827
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63686) - you deserved it (4013)

On 05/19/2009 at 11:50am - misc - by Margaret (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

#2076709
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15521) - you deserved it (86963)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:19am - misc - by morningeyes (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

#2076493
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59852) - you deserved it (8460)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

#2074546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62508) - you deserved it (7946)

On 05/19/2009 at 6:13am - misc - by notnerb - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

#2074283
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70751) - you deserved it (3781)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Sam (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, I was in my Cosmetic Application class, and we were about to apply foundation to our models. I walk over to my friend and say "Wow, that foundation is really orange and blotchy." Then the model turns to me and says "Actually, we haven't started yet... that's just my skin." FML

#2073972
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13677) - you deserved it (53543)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

#2073712
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62510) - you deserved it (4334)

On 05/19/2009 at 4:09am - love - by SKuser (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML

#2073535
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46738) - you deserved it (2503)

On 05/19/2009 at 3:46am - work - by AntSimo (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)



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