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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

#745352
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51147) - you deserved it (66465)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:51pm - work - by tsardaukar (man) - United States (Maine)

Likalotbear's comment : Not your fault. You didn't know.

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Today, we were swimming in gym class. There are some cute girls in our class and they were wearing their bikinis. I was looking at them when I got an erection but since I was underwater I thought no one would see. I'm on the diving team so my teacher asked me to demonstrate a dive to the class. FML

#742814
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59355) - you deserved it (15460)

On 04/01/2009 at 8:16am - intimacy - by easilyexited (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

#742417
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15668) - you deserved it (151532)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at work the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

#742330
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71525) - you deserved it (2737)

On 04/01/2009 at 6:07am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to the laundromat for the first time. I fit all of my clothes into two washers. Not knowing where to put the soap in, I asked a man doing his laundry, "Excuse me, where do I put the soap in?". He replied, "Ma'am, those are the dryers." FML

#742208
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10797) - you deserved it (74081)

On 04/01/2009 at 5:18am - misc - by esv (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

#741988
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86126) - you deserved it (17842)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by highleyj (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

#740938
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61786) - you deserved it (9121)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

#740929
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48074) - you deserved it (11453)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Thithien1 (man) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, I left for vacation in Mexico. Upon landing, I received a text message from the guy I've been seeing. It read, "Sorry, I'm not boyfriend material. Have a good trip." I paid 75 cents to get dumped, internationally. FML

#740852
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51671) - you deserved it (5099)

On 04/01/2009 at 2:03am - love - by springbreak09 (woman) - Mexico (Quintana Roo)

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

#740742
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18269) - you deserved it (73293)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19315) - you deserved it (73533)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

#740142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27169) - you deserved it (57506)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

#739087
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11688) - you deserved it (49265)

On 04/01/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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