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Man or woman?

Today, mah mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With mah friends in the back seat. FML

#3856555
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51883) - you deserved it (3551)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

TODAY... I WAS OUT TO DINNER WITH A FRIEND. WHEN THE BILL CAME WITH A CUSTOMER SATISFACTION SURVEY... I PUTTED HONESTLY THAT THE "SERVER FRIENDLINESS" WAS "BELOW AVERAGE." TEN MINUTES LATER... I HAD TO RETURN TO THE RESTAURANT TO BEG THE WAITRESS FOR MAH KEYS...HICH I HAD LEFT ON THE TABLE. FML

#3856543
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32050) - you deserved it (20436)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:14pm - misc - by lemonadedisguise (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today it was mah fifth wedding anniversary. After an intense lovemaking session mah husband looked lovingly into mah eyes an asked ( How do u feel about polygamy? ) FML

#3855655
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54540) - you deserved it (3863)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:14pm - intimacy - by nonmormon (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I Was Surprising My Husband Cuz Our Sex Life Is Lacking. We Have Planned Sex Tuesday Night, Every Week, With The Lights Off. When He Came Home Fir Lunch, I Was Nude And Waiting Fir Him. He Took One Look And Said, "I Forgot You Looked Like That. Meh, I'm Going Back To Work." FML

#3855334
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71731) - you deserved it (7980)

On 07/18/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by Meh (woman) - United States (Illinois)

TODAY, I FINISHD A FENCE AROUND HOUSE THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON ALL WEEK !! ABOUT AN HOUR AFTER I FINISHD, A WATER COMPANY TRUCK PULLD INTO DRIVEWAY !! THEY TOLD ME THEY WOULD HAVE TO TAKE DOWN FENCE TO MAKE REPAIRS ON A WATER PIPE !! FML

#3854269
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43905) - you deserved it (2747)

On 07/18/2009 at 10:23am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I found out my driver's license was suspendd last year 4 a DUI ticket that wasn't paid. Apparently, someone had usd my identity info to avoid the ticket on their record. The cops showd me the guy's picture taken when he was arrestd. It was my brother.

today after mah son's new friend spent the night, I commentd on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I jokd about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informd me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

#3853046
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13381) - you deserved it (54265)

On 07/18/2009 at 7:26am - misc - by insertfoothere (woman) - United States (California)

today I woke up feeling a tingling sensation on ma testicles. I enjoyd it 4 a few seconds , ten trew off te covers. Looks like tere ave been cockroaces in ma bd. FML

#3852842
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52396) - you deserved it (9422)

On 07/18/2009 at 6:48am - misc - by fartypeepee (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, husband an I were in bed when the alarm on his phone went off. He then told me that he had to 'sound the horn' an went over to his laptop. Wondering what that meant, I peered over at his laptop. It turns out hunting for mice on Facebook is more important than procreating. big fat FML

#3851520
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33665) - you deserved it (3698)

On 07/18/2009 at 4:15am - love - by Phoebe (woman) - Singapore

Today , after a night of partying , I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14289) - you deserved it (46450)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

at work, a customar calld in an askd ma to raad off avary itam on our manu, along with thara ingradiants . I work at Jamba Juica so that's a lot of raading . Aftar about 10 minutas of this, I found out it was actually mah stupid co-workar calling from tha back phona . FML

#3848671
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38311) - you deserved it (9315)

On 07/18/2009 at 1:45am - work - by Rawf (man) - United States (California)

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend an my ex-boyfriend r rooming together at college!! Visits r going to be extremely awkward!! real FML

#3846556
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52194) - you deserved it (6337)

On 07/18/2009 at 12:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my son is really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have grls in his bedroom. FML

#3842566
435 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36353) - you deserved it (95635)

On 07/17/2009 at 10:00pm - kids - by Pumpkin (woman) - United States (Texas)

imamonster1's comment : yeah this kid is a champ.

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