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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I woke up and my husband said he got me a gift for our 1 year anniversary and it was on the table. We laid around cuddling and when I finally got up I was expecting to walk out to beautiful bouquet of flowers. I got two pack of cigarettes. FML

#2465572
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43080) - you deserved it (9774)

On 05/31/2009 at 2:07pm - love - by sadwife (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

#2464831
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62497) - you deserved it (9618)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Heather (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

#2464746
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49340) - you deserved it (9684)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - Poland (Katowice)

Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML

#2464637
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48503) - you deserved it (11884)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that the closest thing I have to a savings account is the cup on my dresser with coins in it. I counted it, $17.34. That is my savings. I'm 28. FML

#2464165
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18236) - you deserved it (46334)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:11pm - money - by mooseknuckle (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, two of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50 year old man who came up and handed us "An origami vagina for the pretty ladies." FML

#2463557
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44412) - you deserved it (5023)

On 05/31/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by ailat0107 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

#2461249
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37189) - you deserved it (3461)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

#2459648
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46656) - you deserved it (4260)

On 05/31/2009 at 9:04am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Macy's to buy some bras. After I paid, the old lady cashier noticed there was pen on one of the bras. By accident I blurted out "It's alright. No one's seeing them." The old lady nodded back in agreement. FML

#2459641
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40162) - you deserved it (9546)

On 05/31/2009 at 9:04am - misc - by yikes78 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML

#2459455
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64613) - you deserved it (4508)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Samantha (woman) - Singapore

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are supposed to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here. FML." FML

#2459150
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22991) - you deserved it (75861)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

#2458285
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35138) - you deserved it (15824)

On 05/31/2009 at 5:43am - misc - by sierra808 (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

#2456065
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38704) - you deserved it (23337)

On 05/31/2009 at 2:46am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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