Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

by DallasGal / 02/14/2010 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

by CheatedOn / 02/14/2010 at 10:19am / Romania (Cluj) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2010 at 9:21am / United States (Kentucky) / Health

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

by zitgirl / 02/14/2010 at 9:14am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

by lex31 / 02/14/2010 at 8:24am / United States / Animals

Today, my girlfriend was really depressed. I listed the top 50 reasons why I love her. Her response was "thanks for that but seriously, this video on youtube is hilarious." I couldn't cheer her up but apparently a 10 second video of a dog running in circles can. FML

by Samson / 02/14/2010 at 3:48am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to rub Tabasco sauce on my household toilet paper. FML

by dzisfml / 02/14/2010 at 3:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my dad decides to tell me he's taking the whole family to disney world, even my step-brother's girlfriend. But not me, because he can't "afford" it. FML

by disneyworld / 02/14/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

by mallcop / 02/14/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML

by dogbait / 02/14/2010 at 12:07am / Health

Today, my boyfriend took me on a romantic weekend away at a hotel. What is he doing now? On his computer looking up stuff on Craigslist while I am watching t.v. alone. FML

by lonelygirl / 02/14/2010 at 12:03am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

by AnnaNick / 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my husband and I took a walk on the wharf. We walked by a Wax Museum and in front of the museum there was a bench with a very realistic wax man sitting on it. I got very close to his face and yelled over to my husband how realistic the wax man looked. Just then, he coughed. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2010 at 8:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous