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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

#217290
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22178) - you deserved it (121867)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was in the change room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

#216994
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46560) - you deserved it (2480)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:45pm - misc - by nuberific (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a card in the mail. It was from my vet's office. Written inside was "We send our sympathy during this trying time." I haven't been home in three days. I can't find my dog and my mother won't talk about it. My dog was 7. She hated that dog. FML

#216168
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62533) - you deserved it (2094)

On 03/05/2009 at 11:06am - animals - by nochance (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

#215931
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53065) - you deserved it (1718)

On 03/05/2009 at 10:10am - work - by crub (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, it was my birthday. I set up a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

#214993
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85749) - you deserved it (5357)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:24am - misc - by STUPID BIRTHDAY (man) - United States

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

#214939
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (3310)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:14am - work - by Shell (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

#214714
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78721) - you deserved it (8213)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by saltinawound (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML

#214447
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47893) - you deserved it (124793)

On 03/05/2009 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML

#214067
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48726) - you deserved it (6097)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Brrrb (woman) - Singapore

Today, an elderly gentleman walked into the UPS Store where I work asking to use the laminating machine. I explained to him that we keep it behind the counter and I would do it for him, whence he produced several graphic photos of him having it off with nasty looking women to be laminated. FML

#213977
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45375) - you deserved it (3513)

On 03/05/2009 at 12:14am - work - by UhhhUhhhRRRick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML

#213399
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34819) - you deserved it (10929)

On 03/04/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by a person - United States (California)

Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

#211586
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72092) - you deserved it (3783)

On 03/04/2009 at 9:18pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)



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