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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

#1114607
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13863) - you deserved it (49906)

On 04/19/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by racoonface - United States

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

#1108096
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42639) - you deserved it (9694)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by hawaiiansokkrboi (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

#1106901
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10602) - you deserved it (68893)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:03am - money - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, for my mom's 50th birthday all she wanted was this gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet which made her cry. When I gave her my present she just said "oh." FML

#1105841
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63532) - you deserved it (5034)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a while, and I was very excited to tell him the news. When I opened his office planning to surprise him with the news, I saw him making out with a man. FML

#1104891
400 comments

I agree, your life sucks (474489) - you deserved it (29153)

On 04/19/2009 at 12:05am - intimacy - by soontobedivorced (woman) - United States (New York)

guffy's comment : wow....

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Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

#1103682
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60522) - you deserved it (5034)

On 04/18/2009 at 11:34pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

#1101827
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11723) - you deserved it (115532)

On 04/18/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by asdfghjkl (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML

#1100061
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43672) - you deserved it (26943)

On 04/18/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by pinkblankets (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

#1094822
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64299) - you deserved it (3192)

On 04/18/2009 at 7:11pm - health - by crapgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

#1091481
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61169) - you deserved it (13867)

On 04/18/2009 at 5:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

#1091323
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39013) - you deserved it (31088)

On 04/18/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by xxxdwangelaxxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was folding the laundry. At one point, I had to take a moment to figure out whether a pair of underwear was mine or my mothers. I'm 18. She is 56. Enough said. FML

#1090882
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48874) - you deserved it (11570)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by granny_panties (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

#1090748
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46436) - you deserved it (9566)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by sarah (woman) - United States (California)



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