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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

#1780717
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10094) - you deserved it (51181)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by ugheffmylife - United States (California)

Today, I had to pick up my drunk mom at bar. While we were driving home she thanked me over and over again and then said "thank god you have no life!" FML

#1777144
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50767) - you deserved it (3907)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

#1775896
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30876) - you deserved it (78292)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

#1775863
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36997) - you deserved it (23666)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

#1775796
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17423) - you deserved it (70718)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my 3 year old kid wanted to do something nice. I told him he could pick up some of his toys. He washed my new Iphone instead. FML

#1774504
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51657) - you deserved it (6848)

On 05/09/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Troms)

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

#1773793
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48871) - you deserved it (4629)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I almost drowned in the ocean after being sucked into a rip current. When I finally managed to make it back to shore breathless from all the energy it took to get back, I looked down and my swimming trunks were gone. I was crawling on the ground naked in front of a hundred people. FML

Today, I went to the doctor. For the past year, my stomach would get upset every time I ate. Attempting to ease the pain, I would always eat a piece of bread. My doctor told me I have Celiac disease, which means I'm allergic to gluten. I'm allergic to bread. FML

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20861) - you deserved it (45505)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

#1770130
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49245) - you deserved it (22020)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Mandy - United States (California)

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

#1769804
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13048) - you deserved it (45974)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:08am - animals - by Christine (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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