Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

by awesome / 09/21/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

robc32ca's comment : you sick moron.

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Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

by meowmeow / 09/21/2010 at 12:38am / Australia / Health

Today, my Grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I better start praying for a husband. FML

by kdgirl / 09/20/2010 at 11:02pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dropped my iPod Touch underneath concrete slab steps, and it's physically impossible to get it back. If you stand above where the iPod is, you can still hear it play music. It's like it's mocking me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 7:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek

Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML

by Uriyahu / 09/20/2010 at 6:11pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

by thanksbro / 09/20/2010 at 3:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 10:58am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I got fired from my recently acquired job at a doctor's office because I don't "agree with family values". The way I'm disrespecting their "family values"? I'm gay. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 10:33am / United States (Illinois) / Work

kagera's comment : can we say discrimination lawyer?

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Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 5:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 4:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

by Thomas / 09/20/2010 at 3:16am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, my job application for McDonald's was rejected. This is the second time. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2010 at 3:10am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Work

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

by sandra / 09/20/2010 at 2:13am / United States / Animals