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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56075) - you deserved it (15812)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

#242158
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52610) - you deserved it (3634)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

#241205
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54400) - you deserved it (8705)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by marge1010 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

#241077
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55027) - you deserved it (2293)

On 03/08/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Noname - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was reading my girlfriend's girly magazine. There was an article stating that if a girl tells a guy his dick is the perfect size, she really means that it is too small. My girlfriend claims everything in the magazine is right. She told me my dick was the perfect size last weekend. FML

Today, I got my first tattoo. It was a surprise for my fiancé: our names together over a heart. I went home but before I could show him, he said we had to have a 'talk.' Now my ex's name is tattooed on my back. The kicker? Turns out I'm allergic to the ink. FML

#240686
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52347) - you deserved it (66643)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

#240683
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41667) - you deserved it (8828)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going over to my friends house for dinner, (it was my birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML

#240271
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48760) - you deserved it (2179)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by PmS (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

#240249
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14184) - you deserved it (45311)

On 03/08/2009 at 3:11am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

#239569
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46270) - you deserved it (6583)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:47am - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

#239452
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6165) - you deserved it (66076)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)

Esperantist's comment : This is where you point to your non-existent bluetooth headset on the side of your head facing away from her and say "Ha, this lady thought I was talking to her- Sorry Miss!"

See all the comments →

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for someone else. An hour earlier I had just gotten permission from her dad to propose. FML

#239413
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (133816) - you deserved it (5846)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:33am - love - by Brad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

#238786
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51514) - you deserved it (3631)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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