Today, I discovered a bat in my new apartment. I found him in my shoe... with my foot. FML

by Bruce / 08/17/2010 at 1:09pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2010 at 1:06pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I ran into my boyfriend at the mall, the same boyfriend that told me he was taking a family vacation to Mexico. FML

by tina / 08/17/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML

by JoannaG25 / 08/17/2010 at 7:43am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Work

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the 90s. FML

by J.O.S / 08/17/2010 at 12:59am / Canada (Quebec) / Transportation

Freeze's comment : YDI for trying to bring a wea- wait, what? $32 for something so useless?

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Today, I learned that I was conceived on a public bus. FML

by ew. / 08/17/2010 at 12:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

by Yay..... / 08/17/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother found out that I'm sexually active. She wants me to tell my father. I'm seventeen, and my father still has trouble grasping the fact that I carry a purse, because it means I'm "growing up." This should be fun. FML

by sarskii / 08/16/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Rambo881xx's comment : Show him a tampon, he will have a heart attack.

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Today, the ice cream truck went by my house for the seventh time today, as it has for the last seven days of my fasting. FML

by IceCreamCraver / 08/16/2010 at 4:35pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 4:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love