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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

#923154
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124353) - you deserved it (6919)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it was my birthday. My grandma gave me a hug and a check after wishing me a happy birthday and walked away giggling. I was excited because it was the only gift I had gotten all day. Ten minutes later, I realized that it was actually just my tax refund. FML

#922323
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47177) - you deserved it (2973)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:21am - misc - by suckmeoff (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I was waiting in the lobby of a modeling agency for my interview to be a potential model and I was next in line. They called "NEXT!" and I walked in with a smile on my face. They stared at my face for a moment and then started yelling "NEXT". FML

#922187
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52095) - you deserved it (9954)

On 04/12/2009 at 3:00am - misc - by taptheturtle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML

#922153
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25355) - you deserved it (51728)

On 04/12/2009 at 2:50am - misc - by MYLIFESUX (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

#921168
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61628) - you deserved it (11310)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:44am - kids - by cxcrktkt (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

#921004
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18312) - you deserved it (88026)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked out to my car to see four kids taking the hubcaps, radio, and license plates off of my truck. I chased them six blocks until I tripped and twisted my ankle. I limped back to my car and found a ticket on my windshield for $55 dollars. The reason? Missing license plates. FML

#920933
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70543) - you deserved it (2627)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When i came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

#920023
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14458) - you deserved it (42887)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said "Don't go here, the weed's too expensive." and walked away. Thinking he's coming back to say he's joking, he instead say "i'm just kidding its really cheap" and walked away. I may or may not still have a job. FML

#920019
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44712) - you deserved it (4559)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by JimmyJazzNJ (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I went with my grandma to pickup my uncle and cousins from the airport. On our way there, the car died in the middle of the road. A police officer stopped to help us, he blocked the road while i pushed and my grandma steered. I had to push a minivan, I weigh 115 lbs. FML

#919886
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41638) - you deserved it (5146)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by carpusher (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so i said "yeah that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

#919776
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20507) - you deserved it (39023)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:44pm - misc - by AlienZ (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite; this dog was no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

#919656
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46220) - you deserved it (15910)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:39pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was waitressing when a man sat at my table with soda from somewhere else. Drinks are half the profit for restaurants. There is a strict policy that you have to charge for carry-in drinks. I told him this, he yelled at me so I told him I was doing my job. I got fired, for doing my job. FML

#919525
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51796) - you deserved it (3687)

On 04/11/2009 at 10:07pm - work - by waitress (woman) - United States (California)



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