Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML

by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

fartingdogprego's comment : Thanks for those that understand! Hubby--great guy, went on this trip to get paternity leave later. Timing just sucks with bedrest (high blood pressure, just precaution, can't drive, walk the dog, clean, cook, work, etc) and a dummy move to give the dog food he's not used to. Texas is too hot to leave him outside. My mom helps in the am before work, and his mom is helping in the pm after work. Cooler with food they are making me and the laptop are making it bearable, and friends/hubby call all the time on the cell. Can get up to use the restroom as needed. Just sucks to be in bed or on the couch with a farting dog and not able to walk him and get some fresh air.

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Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

by justmyluck25 / 07/23/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I met the man of my dreams. Beautiful, smart, academic, charming, a true gentlemen, totally my type. I am at a bar voted "the best gay bar in the world". FML

by V / 07/23/2010 at 3:39am / United States / Love

Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML

by Me. / 07/23/2010 at 1:58am / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

by coffee_princess / 07/22/2010 at 7:14pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

by jennavankirk / 07/22/2010 at 7:08pm / United States / Love

Today, I put on some skimpy shorts and bent down to get something on the bottom shelf of the fridge to get my boyfriend's attention. On my way up, I slammed my head on the edge of the fridge. FML

by Nic / 07/22/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

by Elliot / 07/22/2010 at 11:10am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Miscellaneous

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

by GuardOtto / 07/22/2010 at 10:48am / United States / Work

Today, my girlfriend's father sent me a text message that simply stated "You ruined my relationship with my daughter." I wanted to ask him for his blessing to marry his daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 2:44am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, while having sex for our first time, my boyfriend decided to test out a theory he heard about, that conversation during sex makes it more enjoyable. His way of doing it? He looked me straight in the eye and asked "How 'bout them Brewers?" We're from Wisconsin. That's our local sports team. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 1:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy

Lozza111's comment : haha, your bf is awesome, stop complaining

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