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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

#2122739
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65130) - you deserved it (5844)

On 05/20/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by disaster... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

#2116644
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63044) - you deserved it (3493)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by lm (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15261) - you deserved it (40748)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

#2114921
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49136) - you deserved it (3646)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm - love - by edible (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

#2114829
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45740) - you deserved it (6816)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:53pm - misc - by Benji (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

#2113769
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40740) - you deserved it (7526)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by vitalcheese (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

#2112917
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44228) - you deserved it (15740)

On 05/20/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML

#2112400
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15209) - you deserved it (69611)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:54pm - misc - by Sweeney (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I spent two hours making dinner for my boyfriend's family. When I brought it over to their house they said "thanks" and didn't bother to invite me to stay to eat it. FML

#2111941
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52961) - you deserved it (3964)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:36pm - misc - by dole_out_the_fml (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I decided to go tanning. I went outside and took my top off and laid out in the sun for about an hour. When I was about to go inside a phone rang. It belonged to one of the five men that were working on my roof and watching me the entire time. FML

#2111362
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11137) - you deserved it (67752)

On 05/20/2009 at 12:54pm - misc - by fihifgni210 - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

#2110420
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50542) - you deserved it (9147)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:45am - misc - by Cantswim (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

#2110386
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42963) - you deserved it (13794)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

#2109937
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69907) - you deserved it (6526)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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