By ray / Thursday 16 February 2012 18:36 / Canada
World

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very much, young man.” FML

By Femme - / Thursday 16 February 2012 16:41 / Russia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet and my wife. FML

By mypoolisstilldirty - / Thursday 16 February 2012 16:26 / Australia
By Jeathrow / Thursday 16 February 2012 15:01 / United States

Today, I found out that driving for 2 weeks on 3/4 of a tank doesn't mean my truck magically got more efficient, it means my gas gauge is broken. FML

By Kramer / Thursday 16 February 2012 12:49 / Canada
FML - The follow-up

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

JukeboxValkyrie Say more :
To everyone who keeps asking "How did they get on your ceiling?" and "Why are they in your house?" Geckos are native to Florida, they can crawl through the tiniest places and the tips of the digits on their limbs are like mini suction cups, giving them the ability to climb most vertical surfaces as well as being upside down. My ceiling is also popcorn style so there was plenty to...
By JukeboxValkyrie - / Thursday 16 February 2012 07:52 / United States
By parkertownparadise - / Thursday 16 February 2012 07:43 / United States

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

By Anonymous - / Thursday 16 February 2012 07:32 / Australia

  Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

By robzzz - / Thursday 16 February 2012 07:13 / Canada

Today, feeling out of shape, I went for a jog. I got mugged. FML

By Anonymous / Thursday 16 February 2012 03:59 / United States
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