Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

by anon / 09/30/2010 at 10:54pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

by dontask / 09/30/2010 at 9:55pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 8:47pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out less than 3 weeks before my wedding my fiancé will lose his new, great paying job unless we cancel our nonrefundable honeymoon. FML

by no luck / 09/30/2010 at 1:14pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 1:13pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, a cute girl sat down next to me on the bus. She looked up at me, and then moved to the back. FML

by Ugh-Lee / 09/30/2010 at 11:07am / United States / Love

Today, after a promotion at work, my new manager made me reset my password for a website we use. To do so, I had to answer the secret question I’d set two years prior. The question was "What is your favorite activity?" The answer I had to type out in front of my manager was "Drinking." FML

by T. / 09/30/2010 at 10:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 9:25am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite rock songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

by PhilDavisDied? / 09/30/2010 at 6:33am / Love

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

by ohyaknow / 09/30/2010 at 5:56am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work, sits down and stares. I'm new to the job so, trying to make new friends, when the guy walked in this time, I went over to a co worker I was really clicking with, and went off about how creepy he was. He replied with "Who, my dad?" FML

by simply2010 / 09/30/2010 at 4:19am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2010 at 4:04am / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Love

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

by strandedguest / 09/30/2010 at 2:51am / United States / Miscellaneous