Today, I was in a car with my house-mate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

by Unwanted / 06/10/2010 at 8:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

by notyouraverageteenager / 06/10/2010 at 3:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

by Caitlin / 06/09/2010 at 8:46pm / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation

Today, I was at the airport baggage collection when I saw an old man struggling to get his very old and heavy suitcase off the belt before giving up. I had already collected my bag, but wanting to be helpful, the old man watched me as I grabbed his handle, yanked and snapped it clean off. FML

by cheekymac / 06/09/2010 at 11:13am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

by DFR / 06/09/2010 at 9:05am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML

by thetalkingvagina / 06/09/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee's comment : Boyfriend Win, simply put.

See all the comments

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

by dancerr2210 / 06/09/2010 at 12:01am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

by CircleBruise / 06/08/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

by sarahfromthesouth / 06/08/2010 at 12:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my cat knocked over a cup of scalding hot tea - but don't worry, the carpet wasn't damaged. It went all over my leg instead leaving a nice big scar for my holiday. FML

by Rach / 06/08/2010 at 10:24am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Health

Today, my boss fired me because he said I was spending too much time surfing the internet. When I reminded him that my work computer isn't even networked, he said, "Oh, sorry, you're the one who takes too many smoke breaks." When I told him that I don't even smoke, he said, "Just go..." FML

by Myzyri / 06/08/2010 at 3:11am / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

by highschoolgrad / 06/08/2010 at 12:09am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous