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Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

#2135843
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46643) - you deserved it (8123)

On 05/21/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by GrahamCracker (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML

#2134167
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17145) - you deserved it (60333)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

#2133178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54725) - you deserved it (7676)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

GHEE's comment : Okay, you have got to admit that was pretty damn funny. Think before you act dude XD.

See all the comments →

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

#2129395
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36613) - you deserved it (8061)

On 05/20/2009 at 10:17pm - misc - by Sam (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML

#2128270
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46064) - you deserved it (5700)

On 05/20/2009 at 9:50pm - love - by chickennoodlesoup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

#2123826
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16839) - you deserved it (57914)

On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom and my step dad decided they're getting a divorce. They've been married for 2 weeks and I paid for a quarter of the wedding. FML

#2122739
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65123) - you deserved it (5844)

On 05/20/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by disaster... (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

#2116644
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63041) - you deserved it (3493)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by lm (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was out walking my dog. A cute woman says "nice dog" and without thinking I respond, "you too." FML

#2115737
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15258) - you deserved it (40747)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

#2114921
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49135) - you deserved it (3646)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm - love - by edible (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching TV with a cup of coffee. My mum asked if I wanted a Mars bar. I said that would be great and she threw one at me, catching me off guard. The Mars bar went straight into my coffee, spilling it over my bare legs. I now have a scald mark on my penis. FML

#2114829
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45735) - you deserved it (6815)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:53pm - misc - by Benji (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

#2113769
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40740) - you deserved it (7526)

On 05/20/2009 at 3:12pm - animals - by vitalcheese (man) - United States (Michigan)



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