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Today, I was trying to wiggle my boxer shorts off to get it on with my girlfriend when my knee hooked on the elastic band. I was anxious to get started, so I used force and ended up kneeing my girlfriend in the crotch. FML

#4151663
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13284) - you deserved it (45487)

On 07/30/2009 at 1:46am - intimacy - by solomantis (man) - Norway (Oslo) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my mom asked me if I was crying because my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. That wasn't why I was crying. My mom knows things before I do. FML

#4147404
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50595) - you deserved it (2732)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:20pm - love - by screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore. We always have one item we try and sell to every customer. For the next week I have to ask every person if they would like to try my nuts. FML

#4147298
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38284) - you deserved it (4097)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:17pm - misc - by arsenic660 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML

#4144889
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19797) - you deserved it (48198)

On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

#4142743
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12200) - you deserved it (70997)

On 07/29/2009 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was short shifted at work because one of my employee's decided not to show up. Furious, I wrote her up and made predetermined judgments about her. When she came in, I went off on her for being absent and leaving me stuck. She then informed me her mom tried to commit suicide. FML

#4142083
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10258) - you deserved it (55212)

On 07/29/2009 at 7:49pm - misc - by Toast514 - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at the mall and someone peeked their head under the door of my dressing room while I was half dressed. Not knowing who it was, I kicked him in the face just out of instinct. Its was a 4 year old kid looking for his mother. FML

#4137553
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52553) - you deserved it (21631)

On 07/29/2009 at 4:26pm - misc - by 4yrldkicker (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML

#4137470
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55144) - you deserved it (2824)

On 07/29/2009 at 4:23pm - work - by allocomrade (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML

#4136342
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75458) - you deserved it (3571)

On 07/29/2009 at 3:32pm - love - by imscrewed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61379) - you deserved it (6541)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was at work doing phone computer support helping a woman with her computer. I asked her to close all her open windows. She deleted all the important company documents in the open folder instead. I got fired because "close windows" and "delete" have become "too technical" for users. FML

#4133060
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52471) - you deserved it (2408)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:34pm - work - by pixelbaker (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

#4131905
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46003) - you deserved it (3780)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to buy lunch at a grocery store. The total was 3 pounds, and my card got rejected for insufficient funds. I fished about for change, and found I only had 2 pounds. A homeless man behind me in the queue then offered to give me the remaining pound. A homeless man paid my lunch. FML

#4131254
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42442) - you deserved it (15230)

On 07/29/2009 at 10:24am - money - by faentalivetmitt (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.



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