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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML

#5477011
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29431) - you deserved it (18035)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:47pm - health - by snottyface (woman) - United States

Today, I called my husband during my lunch to tell him that I wanted to go out tonight for my birthday. We got in argument because he said we couldn't afford it. When I got home from work, he was gone, so I called his cell to see where he went. Answer: to the bar with his friends. FML

#5476343
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43107) - you deserved it (3276)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:15pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

#5471133
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14689) - you deserved it (32751)

On 09/25/2009 at 6:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the restroom at school and when I finished my business, I noticed there was no toilet paper. I then began to wait hoping that a janitor would come by with extra toilet paper. It wasn't until an hour later that I then realized there was 4 extra rolls hidden behind the toilet. FML

#5470398
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9050) - you deserved it (48684)

On 09/25/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by MyLyfeSux (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

#5468497
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38364) - you deserved it (2798)

On 09/25/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by busted (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

#5466683
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45943) - you deserved it (2999)

On 09/25/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Non-active (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

#5466637
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35852) - you deserved it (16049)

On 09/25/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by looking (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found my two best friends making out with each other. Not a big deal, right? Wrong. Today was my wedding day. One of the friends was my maid of honor, the other was my groom. FML

#5466337
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68743) - you deserved it (3472)

On 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML

#5465719
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17612) - you deserved it (44098)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by MessedXUp (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was offered a position as a school crossing guard. I have a $200,000 degree in Economics from a top 20 University and was offered a position to hold a stop sign and wear a reflective vest. I was tempted to accept. FML

#5465384
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38081) - you deserved it (6631)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:11pm - work - by UnemployedGrad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

#5464922
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12219) - you deserved it (43402)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:24am - misc - by Needasafe1234 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

#5464721
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34895) - you deserved it (7707)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:01am - kids - by bigdaddy (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

#5464653
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35226) - you deserved it (6722)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:54am - love - by BirthdayBoy - United States (Ohio)



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