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Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

#2589688
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16156) - you deserved it (2046)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:33am - love - by xXitslolaXX - United States (California)

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

#2588654
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46147) - you deserved it (2929)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:52am - money - by doubledown (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

#2587369
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41362) - you deserved it (5326)

On 06/04/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

#2585937
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42179) - you deserved it (5978)

On 06/03/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by j (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

#2583409
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51938) - you deserved it (7749)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:14pm - misc - by canadiankc (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I was working at my retail job. A customer stopped me on my way to break saying "someone" had broken a snow globe. She showed me where it was and I cleaned it up with her circling me. I finished and put the cleaning supplies away when I heard a 'crash' as the same woman dropped another snow globe. FML

#2582009
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47587) - you deserved it (2107)

On 06/03/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kilo1_13 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, on my airplane ride home, the woman next to me wasn't feeling too well. She pulled out the air sickness bag to throw up into and missed. Her vomit splattered all over the seat in front of her and all over me. We were both covered in puke. And that was only my first of two flights. FML

#2578690
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44998) - you deserved it (1832)

On 06/03/2009 at 8:12pm - health - by stutson (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my sister asked me to help her set up for my niece's birthday party. Being the lazy person that I am, I got my niece to blow up the non-helium balloons. Apparently she's allergic to latex and I'll be the one paying for the hospital bill. FML

#2573344
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13073) - you deserved it (53337)

On 06/03/2009 at 5:48pm - misc - by ivyleaguebabe (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML

#2569917
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39763) - you deserved it (3930)

On 06/03/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by peeepeee. - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

#2569005
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62049) - you deserved it (5035)

On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46388) - you deserved it (15359)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

AlphaC's comment : You have a five year old daughter. That immediately exempts you from being called gay or unmanly. You're not gay/unmanly because you have neon-green fingernails. You're a parent of a five year old daughter. Cheer up, it's not THAT bad.

See all the comments →

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

#2562332
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49626) - you deserved it (18285)

On 06/03/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by Kyokushin (man) - United States (Florida)



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