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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

#4426507
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63525) - you deserved it (8360)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:31pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out I need serious surgery on my right knee to remove a tumor growing underneath it. I will not be able to walk for 3 weeks, and the doctor told me to take off for 5 months from work just for full recovery. My father's response, "You'll do anything not to work." FML

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

#4425556
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12215) - you deserved it (50721)

On 08/10/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by klutz (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79120) - you deserved it (6855)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

#4421070
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41625) - you deserved it (3166)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:27am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Ghana (Volta)

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

#4420726
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15145) - you deserved it (52798)

On 08/10/2009 at 2:12am - love - by HouseMdFangirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a serious discussion with my girlfriend of 11 months. I broke the news that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I needed her support through my treatments. Ten minutes after, I receive a text saying that she can't endure the pain and stress that I'm causing her, and that we're done. FML

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

#4418017
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48826) - you deserved it (20093)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:25am - animals - by Entheatus (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was working in a warehouse where fellow employees were kicking empty boxes around. Seeing a box, I got running distance and kicked it as hard as I could, only to look up in horror to see that I had kicked into our CEO's face. I still had both my arms up in score mode. FML

#4417432
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10207) - you deserved it (45111)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:03am - work - by zwillywilly (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

#4414579
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43663) - you deserved it (12663)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:13pm - health - by Ducati (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

#4412595
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12585) - you deserved it (64231)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by pwndbykidz (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was riding up an escalator in the mall in uncomfortable high heels. While adjusting my bag I suddenly lost my balance and began flailing wildly. In desperation I hurled forward and ended up grabbing a teenage boy's buttocks and was promptly slapped by his girlfriend. FML

#4412504
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40648) - you deserved it (9969)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by grabber (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

#4412147
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51841) - you deserved it (2749)

On 08/09/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by roobb (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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