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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

#405303
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131509) - you deserved it (35678)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

#404530
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42415) - you deserved it (27164)

On 03/17/2009 at 12:34am - animals - by Poorfish (man) - United States (California)

Today, after work I went to the parking lot to my car to go home. I found my car doors heavily scratched and all my tires cut, with a note on my windshield. The note read, "F*** you, Jackson." I'm Tyler. Jackson is my co-worker. FML

#402387
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (170172) - you deserved it (8208)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:17pm - work - by Dansonn (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

#402157
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (90468) - you deserved it (2813)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:13pm - misc - by dxplq876 (man) - United States

Today, was my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a 3 month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

#402004
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32720) - you deserved it (41005)

On 03/16/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by not_so_sweet_sixteen - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

#400930
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (180811) - you deserved it (11260)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:41pm - animals - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear I would wait til marriage. Four hours later he walked in on us having sex in my bedroom. FML

#400298
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41296) - you deserved it (228952)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by thiswouldhappen. - United States (Florida)

ashology101's comment : why do parents think a ring will convince their dear daughter to keep her leg closed? it never works.

See all the comments →

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

#399721
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48592) - you deserved it (27634)

On 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by kaichennnxx (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

#398759
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21274) - you deserved it (90680)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by cannabis_this420 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

#397272
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78544) - you deserved it (5369)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:04pm - misc - by paymeinhugs - United States (New York)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164169) - you deserved it (32119)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML

#386198
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36300) - you deserved it (81199)

On 03/16/2009 at 5:01pm - misc - by badgrandchild - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, is my 16th birthday. Thinking that my parents would be out of town for it like they had every other year, I decided it would be fun to tan nude in my backyard. Apparantly my parents set up a surprise party for my sweet 16. I was standing naked infront of half my school. FML

#385817
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107051) - you deserved it (40649)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by badbirthday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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