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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was romantically cuddling with my boyfriend. He looked deep into my eyes, stared lovingly at me, and said, "I never noticed, but you have the most adorable freckles on your face..." Blushing, I tilted my head to the side. He then said, "Oh, never mind, those are just your blackheads." FML

#4044013
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46753) - you deserved it (6605)

On 07/26/2009 at 12:29am - love - by acnegirl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that my husband made a replica of our family on The Sims 3. I also found out he killed me off a couple weeks ago and made a new wife, KiKi. FML

#4043992
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59587) - you deserved it (5451)

On 07/26/2009 at 12:28am - love - by nosrepamai82 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

#4035403
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35436) - you deserved it (25869)

On 07/25/2009 at 6:22pm - love - by dajfleasd (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

#4035299
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14031) - you deserved it (33721)

On 07/25/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by zinka - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

#4034101
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41025) - you deserved it (23721)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was checking out my boyfriend's facebook profile. I saw that he had just taken the "How long will it take for your girldriend to realize you're cheating on her?" Quiz. FML

#4034087
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49384) - you deserved it (5225)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 9 months in our relationship, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. We had incredible, mind-blowing sex. An hour later, he broke up with me because apparently "my orgasm face is ugly." FML

#4031400
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71268) - you deserved it (8648)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by misopower (woman) - China (Henan)

SimpleSimon's comment : Nobody loses their virginity with "incredible, mind-blowing sex". Nobody.

See all the comments →

Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML

#4031277
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38968) - you deserved it (8288)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:43pm - animals - by stpddog (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I decided to make a place in my house for my friends to sign called “The Friend Wall." By sign I meant sign, not draw body parts. This afternoon I ate lunch next to a basketball-sized vagina and a monumentally large blue and purple penis. FML

#4031081
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11430) - you deserved it (55907)

On 07/25/2009 at 2:32pm - misc - by rbates - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

#4029812
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60261) - you deserved it (22319)

On 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm - money - by Pottymouth (man) - United States

Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him I had none, he yelled angrily "who comes to this city without money?" I replied "apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML

#4029321
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45625) - you deserved it (26301)

On 07/25/2009 at 12:39pm - money - by re2K5 (man) - Korea Republic of (Kyongsang-bukto)

jailbot's comment : I applaud your snappy comeback! I bet I'd have said the same thing, I mean, what right does a homeless man have to complain about people having no money to give him?

See all the comments →

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

#4028166
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16875) - you deserved it (42308)

On 07/25/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by PeterRabit (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at the movies. All of a sudden, the woman next to me starts laughing uncontrollably and talking to her friend during the movie. This continued throughout the movie, ruining it. I turned and whispered to my friend. The woman then taps me on the shoulder and yells, "Shut the fuck up!" FML



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