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Today, I had to go visit my grandma. While in her bathroom, the floss I was using cut my gum, I then proceded to make sounds of slight pain. My grandma was, at the same moment, walking by and said "Don't masturbate in side of my bathroom you sick teen!" Now my grandma thinks I am a pervert. FML

#1313726
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50099) - you deserved it (5503)

On 04/25/2009 at 3:51am - intimacy - by bongoboy - United States (California)

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

#1312946
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9599) - you deserved it (54940)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

#1312643
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60394) - you deserved it (15711)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:39am - work - by CollegeGrad (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at a swim meet. I was on a relay team and I was the anchor. My team was in 1st. I was ready to dive in when I saw my tampon string was hanging out of my suit. I freaked, slid off the block, and fell on top of the guy before me and gave him a concussion. We got DQed for a false start FML

#1311543
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42653) - you deserved it (15110)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by suckatlifeeexo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at the store with my wife. As we were walking out, I helped an elderly woman get through the door. As I was opening the door, my foot got stuck on the door and my face was catapulted into the woman's breasts. It wasn't until we got into the car that my wife burst into hysterics. FML

#1310599
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44078) - you deserved it (4223)

On 04/25/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by GreenMonstR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

#1309415
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52645) - you deserved it (2180)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:35am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22363) - you deserved it (58954)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Loe_307's comment : It's even more funny that he had the sense to lock his door and you didn't.

See all the comments →

Today, I was taking the bus home. A dirty homeless man boarded the bus, put his bag on the overhead rack, and sat down. His bag was leaking and dripped onto my shoulder. I asked the man what it was. He said, "Roadkill." I now have dead animal blood on my best business suit. FML

#1306375
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50335) - you deserved it (2874)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:10pm - misc - by Lo_Bolian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

#1303608
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22667) - you deserved it (53922)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm - misc - by fml (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

#1303063
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58495) - you deserved it (4171)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by baddream (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, While I was running around the block I had this urge to spit. Suddenly I noticed this beautiful girl running in front me. Trying to impress her, I smiled and by mistake drooled everything on the pavement. She wasn't impressed. FML

#1299793
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13269) - you deserved it (43691)

On 04/24/2009 at 8:13pm - misc - by djteller (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

#1297315
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60389) - you deserved it (8253)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

#1296374
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60385) - you deserved it (3223)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:23pm - health - by whatthehell (woman) - United States (New York)



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