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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be really hot to watch porn while my girlfriend and I were having sex. I got so hot and aroused that I came before the previews even ended. That was less than one minute. FML

#1250715
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17165) - you deserved it (86091)

On 04/23/2009 at 7:42am - intimacy - by waitforit (man) - United States (California)

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

#1250407
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51703) - you deserved it (9880)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a girl I knew from high school at the DMV and she started leaning forward. I thought she was leaning into hug me. So I just began to hug her. She was actually trying to throw something in the garbage. FML

#1250127
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40408) - you deserved it (15322)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me he needed to reconsider coming to see me for financial reasons. I'm the one paying for the airfare, giving him a place to stay, and covering his expenses while he's here. FML

#1249687
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48936) - you deserved it (6015)

On 04/23/2009 at 4:54am - love - by Kitty (woman) - Singapore

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

#1249093
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10263) - you deserved it (55879)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by edhalen (man) - United States

Today, I didn't wear my contacts. Determined to prove to my friends I didn't need them, I read all the signs in sight. I couldn't read a particular one, so I began to walk closer. Suddenly I fell on my face, bruising my cheekbone. The sign said: "Caution: Watch Your Step." FML

#1248987
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10479) - you deserved it (56260)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by notexactly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

#1248718
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15877) - you deserved it (222462)

On 04/23/2009 at 3:16am - misc - by danielle (woman) - United States (California)

aego56's comment : Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21)...*YDI*

See all the comments →

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

#1246949
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22407) - you deserved it (83512)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:44am - health - by tgstreaks (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

#1246375
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46116) - you deserved it (5440)

On 04/23/2009 at 1:22am - work - by raynbowsend (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

#1245192
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48502) - you deserved it (4561)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by karaokestar (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22656) - you deserved it (72488)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

#1243795
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9136) - you deserved it (71966)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:11pm - misc - by brob56 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

#1243329
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44007) - you deserved it (4985)

On 04/22/2009 at 10:44pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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