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Today, I was walking downtown when a bum approached me for some change. I planned to give a couple dollars but after pulling out my wallet exposing my cash, the bum beat me unconscious. The bum is a 5'0" tall woman; I'm a 6'2" male out $200. FML

#579583
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56933) - you deserved it (25939)

On 03/24/2009 at 4:52pm - money - by dude (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

#574941
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58817) - you deserved it (9044)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

#574759
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59043) - you deserved it (5036)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by Rai (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

#574471
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (235154) - you deserved it (40099)

On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)

neonoodle's comment : what a bastard.

See all the comments →

Today, as a veteran blood donor, I made a friend who was donating for the first time- I told her not to be scared and that I've been doing it for six years and that it was a great way to help people. While at the snack area afterwards, I passed out, started convulsing and went into shock. FML

#573136
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61604) - you deserved it (6494)

On 03/24/2009 at 8:43am - health - by bridalqueen (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

#572670
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76042) - you deserved it (8501)

On 03/24/2009 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

#572607
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47165) - you deserved it (10562)

On 03/24/2009 at 6:18am - misc - by kha (man) - United States (New York)

Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying 'thank you' and 'bye' to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML

#572216
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56729) - you deserved it (3906)

On 03/24/2009 at 4:19am - misc - by teef (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to perform a skit in my class in which I have to wear tight spandex compression shorts. The class laughed pretty hard, and I felt like I had done a good job. Afterward, a girl I have a crush on said, "So the stereotype about Asian guys IS true." Through the fluorescent lights you could see my junk. FML

#571652
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72796) - you deserved it (9876)

On 03/24/2009 at 2:47am - misc - by spandex (man) - United States (California)

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

#570942
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110020) - you deserved it (7952)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:47am - work - by frenchy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had an excellent conversation with this guy I met on a gay dating site. We really hit it off well and had a lot in common. We got to the point where he asked me for my picture. I showed it to him and he stopped responding. FML

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

#570871
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81649) - you deserved it (5500)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by proudestmonkey (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML



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