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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, me and couple of friends were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car at 30 that had stopped to help her. FML

#546076
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7924) - you deserved it (90340)

On 03/23/2009 at 12:31am - misc - by mbrooke (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shirt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso. When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking for your boobs but apparently you have none" FML

#544318
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84507) - you deserved it (6260)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

#542382
450 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110728) - you deserved it (20140)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)

Tipsybeaver's comment : In his defense, that game is awesome.

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Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said he needed to be with someone smart so that he could impress his parents. I just got accepted into medical school. When I pointed that out to him, he added that he needed to be with someone attractive. FML

#540189
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74577) - you deserved it (3946)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by Lily (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML

#539856
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63732) - you deserved it (30718)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:02pm - kids - by Noca (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

#539195
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10607) - you deserved it (63929)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:38pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

#538708
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53197) - you deserved it (5672)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by liz1234 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

#537010
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82714) - you deserved it (17951)

On 03/22/2009 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by caughtontape - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML

#533969
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58310) - you deserved it (10754)

On 03/22/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by Laceylace (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother says, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then asks, "Does he know that?" FML

#532977
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59704) - you deserved it (12671)

On 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm - love - by ThanksMa (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
331 comments

freaky922's comment : Which is why you never, ever let your OCD take control when in public.

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Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced. FML

#531777
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27127) - you deserved it (74353)

On 03/22/2009 at 2:43pm - health - by IHateBagels (woman) - United States (New York)



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