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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

#1297315
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60363) - you deserved it (8251)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom had big news. I've been trying to get her to quit smoking because of second hand smoke for 20 years. She learned today that second hand smoke severely affects animals as well. Her big news? She's quitting. She doesn't want to hurt the dog. FML

#1296374
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60377) - you deserved it (3221)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:23pm - health - by whatthehell (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

#1292881
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18451) - you deserved it (71850)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML

#1292437
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44627) - you deserved it (19599)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML

#1292043
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73293) - you deserved it (8684)

On 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up to go to school. I was unbelievably tired, but I gathered the courage to go take my shower. I then took a long shower, cleaned up my room, got dressed, and ate breakfast. Going back to my room, I looked at the clock, which read 3:22 AM. FML

#1289647
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41789) - you deserved it (34885)

On 04/24/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by vinniesuckmadack (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML

#1288904
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12119) - you deserved it (59694)

On 04/24/2009 at 1:20pm - health - by JohnFarrell (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

#1288123
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17430) - you deserved it (56687)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to a fancy restaurant. I was coming right from work and brought a change of clothes with me. I parked in an empty corner of the parking lot to change. As I was pulling my pants up, I noticed that I was facing an apartment complex where an old guy was watching me from his balcony. FML

#1287200
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34055) - you deserved it (17613)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by papergirl (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML

#1286671
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (84087)

On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - animals - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

#1285510
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9897) - you deserved it (69414)

On 04/24/2009 at 9:24am - love - by jason (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

#1284518
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55951) - you deserved it (4978)

On 04/24/2009 at 6:41am - work - by jcstpierre (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

#1284162
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37805) - you deserved it (9512)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:37am - misc - by balancestrikesagain (man) - United States (Georgia)



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