Today, while I was driving, I saw my driving instructor from high school walking on the sidewalk. As I waved to him, I rear-ended the car in front of me. Guess I really showed him how much I learned from him. FML

by jcheer113 / 05/17/2010 at 12:10am / United States (New Hampshire) / Transportation

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

by jolene11 / 05/16/2010 at 10:24pm / United States / Love

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

by fatgirl / 05/16/2010 at 12:08am / United States / Health

Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML

by ihatelaura / 05/15/2010 at 7:47pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

by Anonymous / 05/15/2010 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I am severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

by prettybich / 05/15/2010 at 2:01pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML

by schwange / 05/15/2010 at 1:07pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

by Teaching26 / 05/15/2010 at 3:47am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my sister decided to wake me up by pumping handwash into my open mouth. FML

by sheridan.ashley / 05/15/2010 at 2:27am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML

by Staples / 05/15/2010 at 2:21am / United Kingdom / Geek

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

by bitten / 05/15/2010 at 1:09am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2010 at 7:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous