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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing hysterically and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

#5770681
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29335) - you deserved it (3052)

On 10/11/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by foxbrat - United States (Hawaii)

Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML

#5769676
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40516) - you deserved it (2247)

On 10/11/2009 at 1:09am - health - by WhoDoYouLove6208 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

#5769325
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34682) - you deserved it (2693)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:48am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8655) - you deserved it (113295)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

#5768887
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37708) - you deserved it (3801)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad had something to tell me. He'd cleaned out my bank account to pay off 38,000 dollars worth of gambling debt. My wedding is in 5 months. FML

#5767098
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47262) - you deserved it (3746)

On 10/10/2009 at 10:59pm - money - by MadSon - United States (Minnesota)

Tungmup's comment : Kill him. Sell organs. Profit.

See all the comments →

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

#5764838
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14428) - you deserved it (35720)

On 10/10/2009 at 9:04pm - work - by SadisticSatire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my oldest son answered my phone call much to my surprise as we haven't spoken in a year. The first words out of his mouth were, "I didn't mean to pick up the phone." He then hung up. FML

#5764278
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33151) - you deserved it (8109)

On 10/10/2009 at 8:30pm - kids - by Jer (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

#5763126
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29819) - you deserved it (2484)

On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

#5762381
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8192) - you deserved it (41994)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend called me and told me he wanted me to stay the night. I decided to wear my sexiest outfit for him so I put on my kinky nurse outfit and drove over to his house. I let myself in his front door, to which I found 40 of my closest friends staring at me for my surprise birthday party. FML

#5762164
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35879) - you deserved it (19855)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by perfectmoment - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to chase my dog all the way down the street, watching in horror as she proudly showed all of my neighbors my bra. FML

#5761778
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28054) - you deserved it (5403)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:53pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

#5761626
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10018) - you deserved it (40958)

On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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