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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

#2228534
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18068) - you deserved it (43056)

On 05/24/2009 at 12:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

#2226575
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53338) - you deserved it (8836)

On 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by partygirlxxx - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I pulled up to a stoplight and blew past the car beside me to merge into one lane. About 30 seconds later, I ran out of gas right in front of them. We were on a bridge, and I had to push my car all the way across. FML

#2225045
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8299) - you deserved it (54722)

On 05/23/2009 at 10:17pm - misc - by DQB (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my grandma to the hospital to visit her estranged husband who she hasn't seen in years. After a thoroughly disasterous visit, we're waiting in the carpark and my gran strokes my face and tells me I have a lot of facial hair. I thought she was going to thank me. And I'm a girl. FML

#2223599
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39321) - you deserved it (3507)

On 05/23/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

#2220782
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42934) - you deserved it (13270)

On 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm - love - by CastAway (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

#2214094
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36799) - you deserved it (3231)

On 05/23/2009 at 4:20pm - work - by jend (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

#2213407
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53844) - you deserved it (3349)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

#2213271
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39083) - you deserved it (21346)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Tom_why - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

#2211360
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40498) - you deserved it (24862)

On 05/23/2009 at 2:10pm - kids - by nutrigrain123 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML

#2210993
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47827) - you deserved it (9365)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:48pm - love - by jimbop (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

#2209832
393 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48673) - you deserved it (20985)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML

#2209571
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50225) - you deserved it (7947)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm - love - by Ames (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

#2207384
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59514) - you deserved it (5969)

On 05/23/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by beatricesank (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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