Today, while tuning my bass guitar, I noticed a very strange screeching sound. I leaned over to look behind the neck. The biggest string snapped off and cut the side of my face. FML

by jooshuarr / 06/18/2010 at 7:09pm / Spain (Comunidad Valenciana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

by anonymous / 06/18/2010 at 1:25pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

by gimmeabreak0_o / 06/18/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

by Stevo / 06/18/2010 at 3:13am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

by emilygreeny / 06/18/2010 at 1:42am / United States / Health

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend, some of my friends decided to take me to a comedy club for a girls night. My friend's jealous husband decided he had to come along, then decided to invite my other friends' boyfriends. I ended up being the seventh wheel on a night meant to cheer me up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

by MCRxforever / 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

by katiebabby / 06/17/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Texas) / Geek

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

by pritch44 / 06/17/2010 at 12:12pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I had a first date planned. He texted saying he was sick and couldn't make it. Two hours later his twitter account said otherwise. FML

by hopelesss88 / 06/17/2010 at 8:42am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

by Doritos / 06/17/2010 at 4:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

by Blank / 06/16/2010 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous