Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

by teacher / 08/31/2010 at 10:50am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

by maebyf / 08/31/2010 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

by weezel / 08/31/2010 at 9:13am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Intimacy

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

by kp / 08/31/2010 at 8:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was taking the subway to school. I was applying some makeup when I noticed a little boy watching me. When I was finished I heard him whisper to his mom, "I thought make up was supposed to make you pretty." FML

by ugly / 08/31/2010 at 8:11am / United States / Transportation

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

by missyoudad. / 08/31/2010 at 3:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, while getting on the subway, I tripped over the gap between the train and the platform. My flip-flop caught on the edge, and fell into the gap. I had to walk home with one flip-flop. FML

by grossfoot / 08/31/2010 at 2:14am / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a tennis match and it was really hot. I took off my shirt to cool down. A member of the staff then tapped me on the shoulder and told me that my "bare breasts might offend someone." I'm a man. FML

by bennyp77 / 08/31/2010 at 1:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

by tikizombie / 08/30/2010 at 8:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

MrBlonde88's comment : you cant teach common sense...

See all the comments

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2010 at 7:25pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then, I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML

by tikizombie / 08/30/2010 at 4:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

by shelbs61 / 08/30/2010 at 3:55pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.