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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

#813420
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68686) - you deserved it (3807)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Geewizz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

#811533
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18405) - you deserved it (70406)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

#811119
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83813) - you deserved it (5442)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:04am - intimacy - by knicksfan (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

#810439
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48212) - you deserved it (17433)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:25am - kids - by Shnur (woman) - United States (California)

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

#810319
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52979) - you deserved it (7840)

On 04/05/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by lifestinks - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

#809473
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24302) - you deserved it (60049)

On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

#807564
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36053) - you deserved it (82603)

On 04/04/2009 at 10:10pm - kids - by heytherexo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

#806381
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57604) - you deserved it (2885)

On 04/04/2009 at 9:07pm - kids - by Nottheprettylady (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband and I were watching TV. An info-mercial came on for a diamond cross necklace that had the lord's prayer engraved inside of it. As the commercial ended I said, "who in their right mind would actually buy that?" Turns out, my husband would, for our anniversary. FML

#804765
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40292) - you deserved it (19831)

On 04/04/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by ALLALA (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

#804387
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58248) - you deserved it (9253)

On 04/04/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

#801542
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37087) - you deserved it (25984)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by driverman12 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother and I went to lunch and there is a really cute waiter that works at the diner. I requested him to wait on us like I sometimes do. While we were waiting to be seated, I heard one waiter say to the cute one, "Ya, the creepy one is back, and this time she brought her mom!" FML

#801391
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17562) - you deserved it (62033)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by bezoar10 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

#800940
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33872) - you deserved it (158509)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

nomadxx7's comment : Gave ya a FML and a YDI Either he wasn't upfront about being with someone - FYL or He did tell you and frankly didn't care - YDI

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