Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

by cooldude / 07/01/2010 at 11:19am / United States (Arkansas) / Transportation

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

by jane smith / 07/01/2010 at 8:11am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that while getting your hair cut, you should say 'yes' or 'no', instead of nodding your head. FML

by Username / 07/01/2010 at 12:55am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

by JH / 06/30/2010 at 9:43pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

chocolatemocha's comment : 1. He's saying that you're beautiful. 2. He won't listen to what anyone else says about you. Why is that so bad?

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Today, I was late to work because the metro broke down. Yesterday I was late to work because the train in front of me broke down. The week before that I was late to work because the swat team shut the entire metro station down. Even the interns think I'm making this up. FML

by Katie / 06/30/2010 at 7:36pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work

Today, I saw a woman still texting on her phone as she started to drive away when the light turned green. I made sure to stare her down and give her a dirty look because she wasn't paying attention to driving. She laughed as I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

by Crash / 06/30/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, in an attempt to save money on waxing, I bought veet hair removal cream. I also discovered it has the same effect on carpets. Now I have to pay for a replacement. So much for saving money. FML

by charlotte273 / 06/30/2010 at 5:39am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

by rockefoe / 06/30/2010 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

by anonymous / 06/30/2010 at 12:05am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

by Tp / 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 2:53pm / United States (New Mexico) / Money

Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML

by dane / 06/29/2010 at 2:07pm / United States (Iowa) / Love

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2010 at 1:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy