Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

by Username / 10/18/2010 at 11:52am / Transportation

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 10:24am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

by sofakingweetodit / 10/18/2010 at 8:44am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

by sugar / 10/18/2010 at 8:23am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She is claiming rape and going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

by Username / 10/18/2010 at 8:03am / Love

suppressed08's comment : You see? Now THIS is a boyfriend FML. None of this 'he said this, I feel a tad embaressed/sad'.

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Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML

by sofakingweetodit / 10/18/2010 at 7:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 7:48am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

by ktwithaq / 10/18/2010 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, it was wacky tacky day at my school. I did not participate, however, I did get voted the tackiest outfit in my school. FML

by obsceene / 10/18/2010 at 6:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he chose me out of all the hotter girls out there. He told me it's because I have great birthing hips. Apparently I'm having six children. FML

by louise. / 10/18/2010 at 5:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I'm going on an 8 hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

by fmmlll / 10/18/2010 at 4:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 4:00am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 2:36am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy