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Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
907 comments

I agree, your life sucks (328948) - you deserved it (35700)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Ender_'s comment : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Best pickup line ever.

See all the comments →

Today, I was on my way to meet some friends for lunch. As I was parking, one of their cell phones accidentally called mine. As I walked to the restaurant, I listened in as some of my best friends discussed all the things they hate about me. FML

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

#834791
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58936) - you deserved it (5289)

On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

#833140
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14965) - you deserved it (136616)

On 04/06/2009 at 10:42am - money - by brhorton02 (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was at IKEA with my parents. I walked away from them and later I heard the speaker of the store call my name asking me to come to the playground because my mom and dad were worried. I'm 18. FML

#832859
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64519) - you deserved it (4131)

On 04/06/2009 at 10:12am - misc - by BrilsmurfO_O (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

#832595
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48183) - you deserved it (15022)

On 04/06/2009 at 9:39am - health - by blahbags (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, it was really windy and rainy causing me to trip and knock into a little kid. While still gathering myself, I apologized and patted the kid on its' head. Then I see people around me starting to laugh. I turn and look at the kid, and discover I've been interacting with a trash can. FML

#832092
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24004) - you deserved it (45278)

On 04/06/2009 at 7:47am - kids - by trashcanned (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

#831890
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20144) - you deserved it (57674)

On 04/06/2009 at 6:41am - misc - by Anna (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

#831499
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46574) - you deserved it (8591)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:40am - work - by starrybrooke (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

#831466
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61339) - you deserved it (8834)

On 04/06/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by annonymous (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

#831202
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59807) - you deserved it (10719)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:40am - love - by vela9002 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while at work at Wendy's, a lady came through the drive-thru with her kid. As I was handing them their order, her child points to me and exclaims "mommy, I thought you weren't supposed to work at places like this when you get older". FML

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

#830447
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9924) - you deserved it (43083)

On 04/06/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by rmo1776 (man) - United States (Missouri)



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