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Today, I poured myself some punch into a mug I have sitting on a shelf at my studio. Upon tipping it upside down to swallow the last few delicious drops, I see a cluster of mouse droppings stuck to the bottom. FML

Today, while babysitting, I gave the boy a pen and paper because he wanted to draw me. When he was done, he let me see but then said, "Wait! I'm not done." He took it back and basically colored in the arms. I said, "I'm not wearing long-sleeves." He said, "That's hair." FML

#1807678
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44620) - you deserved it (7403)

On 05/10/2009 at 9:18am - kids - by thesitter (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

#1807200
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75893) - you deserved it (12251)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Jopes (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up really early before my mom so I could make pancakes for mother's day. I placed everything on a tray and even picked a flower, had a card for her and took it to her bedroom. She said "You shouldn't have, pancakes are fattening." She took one bite and fed the rest to the dogs. FML

#1807099
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62341) - you deserved it (3692)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

#1806338
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14127) - you deserved it (40343)

On 05/10/2009 at 6:23am - work - by chocofreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML

#1806143
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52575) - you deserved it (2240)

On 05/10/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by disturbed (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

#1801760
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45751) - you deserved it (4758)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:38am - health - by LadyLuck (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

#1801231
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41376) - you deserved it (15029)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:22am - health - by muffin (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

#1800346
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58376) - you deserved it (5645)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by sucksforme. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

#1800001
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17134) - you deserved it (47342)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by torchy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

#1798855
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45157) - you deserved it (3048)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

#1797084
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58596) - you deserved it (5213)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm - health - by busybee (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML

#1793303
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30212) - you deserved it (47755)

On 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm - work - by Failoffel (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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