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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML

#3746953
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45105) - you deserved it (19142)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:19pm - intimacy - by guess28 (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I checked the facebook event page that I had set up for my 21st birthday at an awesome restaurant/bar which I had set up a week ago. Out of 39 invitees, the only person who said yes is my boyfriend. FML

#3746710
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40729) - you deserved it (4956)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter brought some bread and I started eating it as I waited for him to take my order. When he approached me he looked at me and said, "Don't eat too much bread honey. It'll make you fatter." Not fat, fatter. I never thought of myself as fat. FML

#3746526
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41249) - you deserved it (6362)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:03pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I applied for my first job. I didn't know how to write a resume, so I copied and pasted one from someone else and reworked it. I got on the bus, handed it in, and left. Then I remembered I forgot to change the contact info and date. FML

#3743203
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7065) - you deserved it (68663)

On 07/14/2009 at 11:27am - work - by captainfail (woman) - Germany (Bremen)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

#3741978
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57448) - you deserved it (4527)

On 07/14/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by dinapar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was in a music shop looking for a new guitar when someone called out someone else's name and jumped on my back. I lost balance and fell forward and broke 3 guitars and damaged another 6. The guy said "Sorry, thought you were someone else" and ran out. I now have to pay £2500. FML

#3741776
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61667) - you deserved it (2822)

On 07/14/2009 at 9:39am - money - by SomeoneElse (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a neon themed party. Standing by the UV light, I looked down and realised my pad was glowing through my tights. FML

#3741117
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71237) - you deserved it (14601)

On 07/14/2009 at 8:23am - misc - by paddy (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

#3740812
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41247) - you deserved it (8095)

On 07/14/2009 at 7:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML

#3740095
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19154) - you deserved it (57918)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:41am - intimacy - by unlucky_number13 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a pet store to adopt a dog. I got a medium sized lab, a dog crate, and a few toys, then put his crate in the back of my truck and the dog in his crate. On the way home I realized I forgot dog bowls and some dog food. I went back, and when I got back out to my truck, my dog was gone. My stereo too. FML

#3739737
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48722) - you deserved it (7716)

On 07/14/2009 at 4:55am - animals - by doggone (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came out to my dad. He called me weak minded and said that he has never been more disappointed in me. I didn't come out as gay. I came out as a vegetarian. FML

#3737947
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47099) - you deserved it (17406)

On 07/14/2009 at 2:58am - misc - by pkstarstorm (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

#3731184
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40714) - you deserved it (8098)

On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - animals - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having dinner with some friends at an Applebees. I couldn't decide on what I wanted, and after about 10 minutes of me flipping through the menu, our waiter brings over the braille menu complete with gigantic pictures of all the dishes and says "Here, I thought this might help." FML

#3730573
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12161) - you deserved it (41820)

On 07/13/2009 at 10:39pm - misc - by CompleteWithPictures (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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