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Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

#7521892
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12036) - you deserved it (36320)

On 01/23/2010 at 2:47pm - health - by notaguidette (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

#7521211
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4995) - you deserved it (57331)

On 01/23/2010 at 2:12pm - misc - by rainydays79 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told a girl she was beautiful on the inside and out. She still didn't sleep with me. FML

#7520375
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7903) - you deserved it (70680)

On 01/23/2010 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by MackeyBoy (man) - United Kingdom

lexie206's comment : don't expect girls to sleep with you just cause you give them a compliment, YDI

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Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

#7520027
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23914) - you deserved it (2730)

On 01/23/2010 at 12:53pm - misc - by Moondoggie_ggk69 (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

#7518795
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36918) - you deserved it (6078)

On 01/23/2010 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

#7518745
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25326) - you deserved it (3271)

On 01/23/2010 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

#7518203
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34726) - you deserved it (3241)

On 01/23/2010 at 10:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out my happily married father has been hiring escorts on-line for 3 years. FML

#7517323
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20209) - you deserved it (2353)

On 01/23/2010 at 7:21am - intimacy - by T.C (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I planned my own wedding down to the very last detail, including favours for my guests, the sweets buffet and the bouquet of flower brooches I want. Too bad I'm still single. FML

#7516892
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10979) - you deserved it (36169)

On 01/23/2010 at 5:27am - love - by SINGLE (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went fishing with friends looking to catch big redfish. During the trip, one of the men caught a 50 pound monster which I put away. At the end of the trip they wanted to take a picture with it. I went to wash off the fish in the water. Apparently the fish wasn't dead and swam away. FML

#7516838
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9247) - you deserved it (33439)

On 01/23/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by fisherman - United States (Florida)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

#7516271
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31828) - you deserved it (7724)

On 01/23/2010 at 3:38am - love - by weirdlove (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

#7515979
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10176) - you deserved it (27786)

On 01/23/2010 at 3:05am - intimacy - by BlackPolarbear - United States (Colorado)

MiniatureMayhem's comment : Tell your mom you were enjoying a really good chocolate cake.

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Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

#7515977
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (4255)

On 01/23/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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