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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61858) - you deserved it (5790)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

#1927790
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56426) - you deserved it (4946)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:22am - love - by heartbreakkid21 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

#1926739
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61784) - you deserved it (2579)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by Hank (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

#1926595
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23898) - you deserved it (51032)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:11am - work - by MC (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I am wearing a panda suit for the promotion of the restaurant I work at. FML

#1925712
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52697) - you deserved it (14736)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:40am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I stayed up all night to study for my anatomy final at 9 a.m. I studied outside the testing room in the hall all night. Apparently I feel asleep with my headphones as my friend woke me up after walking out of the test asking how I did. 300 classmates walked by and no one woke me up. FML

#1923486
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61389) - you deserved it (13746)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by peoplesuck (man) - United States

Apocalyptus's comment : Heh, I'd be proud of it - seeing as you can now wear a shirt saying "FUCKER" on it without getting in trouble!

See all the comments →

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

#1922791
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44934) - you deserved it (5914)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

#1922061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36247) - you deserved it (4601)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Badnewca (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

#1918683
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57583) - you deserved it (6842)

On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

#1916731
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52493) - you deserved it (4598)

On 05/13/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by NoComparison (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was wearing my new sunglasses while watching a basketball game. A pretty hot looking girl was sitting a few spots next to me so I stared at her breasts. A few minutes later, I looked up at her face and she was looking at me in disgust. It turns out that my sunglasses were see through. FML

#1912773
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7360) - you deserved it (82057)

On 05/13/2009 at 7:26pm - misc - by rackman007 (man) - United States (Maine)



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