Today, I saw two cute girls walking my way as I was parking my car. Trying to impress them, I got out and attempted to coolly walk to the sidewalk. I tripped on the curb, scraped both my knees, and was laughed at all the way until I got back inside my car. FML

by iammike / 08/24/2010 at 6:36pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, because I am pregnant with a weak bladder, I woke up with morning sickness and had to decide very quickly whether I wanted to vomit or pee in the toilet. I now have to clean the chunks off the wall. FML

by prego / 08/24/2010 at 12:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Health

Today, I found out that my brother is engaged to marry an ex-girlfriend of mine. This comes almost two months after my brother divorced ANOTHER ex-girlfriend of mine. FML

by groomsman / 08/24/2010 at 8:19am / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents threw out the beautiful birthday cake my aunt made me, and served celery sticks at my party because I need to "watch my weight." FML

by jace17 / 08/24/2010 at 4:34am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

by T.T / 08/24/2010 at 4:19am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldnt have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriends excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He isn't laughing. FML

by XxDiabolikalXx / 08/24/2010 at 3:30am / Love

Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2010 at 3:29am / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I hadn't seen my video camera in a while. After searching for several minutes in my room, I remembered that I had given it to my dad to hide before our month long trip (so even if someone broke into the house the video camera would be safe). He's forgotten where he hid it. FML

by lostvideo / 08/24/2010 at 3:25am / Israel (Yerushalayim) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my sixteenth birthday party. My guests consisted of my grandma who I live with, and my 2-year-old cousin she was babysitting. FML

by bestbirthdayever / 08/24/2010 at 3:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

by chewybarseventy / 08/24/2010 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was working at my job as a cashier, checking out an elderly woman's groceries. She was very nice, and we chatted for a couple minutes. Once she had paid, she leaned close to me and said, very politely, "I'm so so sorry that I mistook you for a girl at first, young man." I AM a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2010 at 1:52am / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

by perfectlybrokenx / 08/24/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I walked out of the operating room at the end of an emergency case. I spent ten minutes talking to a woman about her son before we realized I was talking to the wrong family. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Florida) / Health