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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10015) - you deserved it (94279)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

#3837360
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44559) - you deserved it (6326)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:02pm - kids - by Divorcemenow (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML

#3834940
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36388) - you deserved it (2744)

On 07/17/2009 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

#3833567
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49661) - you deserved it (4777)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:24pm - love - by Shocked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

#3832351
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51307) - you deserved it (18888)

On 07/17/2009 at 2:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML

#3831265
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36659) - you deserved it (7648)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:29pm - misc - by ohman (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

#3830576
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27788) - you deserved it (87893)

On 07/17/2009 at 12:59pm - love - by anonamous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

#3828649
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45803) - you deserved it (10360)

On 07/17/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by pissedinSwiss (woman) - Switzerland (Bern)

Today, I received a "diamond ring" in Mafia Wars (a facebook app) from my boyfriend of 3 years. Along with the ring came a message. It read, "Will you marry me?" He was serious. FML

#3827229
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56291) - you deserved it (9288)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML

#3826927
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38486) - you deserved it (6852)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:07am - work - by mrmatt008 (man) - France

Today, I was getting a haircut. I had my foils in for about 10 minutes when the fire alarm went off. The building then started to fill with smoke and we evacuated. While outside watching the fire being put out, I forgot about my foils. I now have bright bleached yellow and orange hair. FML

#3826223
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38187) - you deserved it (5429)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by 1danzo1 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

#3824870
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57231) - you deserved it (6020)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:58am - love - by Stranded (woman) - United States (California)



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