Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

by shotdown / 11/04/2010 at 12:18am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

by bummed / 11/03/2010 at 11:16pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2010 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I failed to get my drivers licence. My father was the instructor. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2010 at 1:57pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Transportation

Today, after 30 minutes of pre-heating the oven to make a special meatloaf for my husband's birthday, I remembered that I had hidden the cake in there. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2010 at 1:14pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants me bad. I'm a woman, happily married to a man, and now have to turn her down somehow and not get fired in the process. FML

by tuppu / 11/03/2010 at 10:35am / Finland / Intimacy

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

by shunned / 11/03/2010 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Intimacy

Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML

by nurse / 11/03/2010 at 8:08am / Reserved / Work

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

by Gemma / 11/03/2010 at 7:23am / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML

by MissIsabel / 11/03/2010 at 6:43am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks my way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

by flying13 / 11/03/2010 at 3:27am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said "if I ever have or ever will, there's no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you", and gave me a hug. FML

by spockswifey / 11/03/2010 at 2:40am / United States / Intimacy

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

by 6boss / 11/03/2010 at 1:00am / Miscellaneous