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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said hey beautiful so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on friday night. I smiled and said "yes why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

#3093736
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52722) - you deserved it (14810)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML

#3091991
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9474) - you deserved it (61950)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by creepyeyes (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

#3091198
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76510) - you deserved it (4630)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by picaru (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

#3089215
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18655) - you deserved it (30924)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:20pm - misc - by carpetoops (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was asking my one year old nephew what noises certain animals make. I decided to trick him and ask him what sound I make. He immediately says, "MOOOO". FML

#3088891
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35218) - you deserved it (15585)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:03pm - kids - by vballqt201 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, on the train home, two drunk guys decided to sit next to me and make casual conversation. This was fine until one decided to take a drink from his beer. While he did, he sneezed in my face. I still smell like beer. FML

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

#3085922
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52729) - you deserved it (2807)

On 06/21/2009 at 8:05am - intimacy - by Steph (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)

Today, I was talking with my mother and expressed my slight disappointment at how many of my friends are getting into relationships, whereas I'm still single. My mother decided to encourage me by saying "Don't worry, sweetie. There are boys out there who don't go for looks. You'll be fine". FML

#3084574
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45588) - you deserved it (3511)

On 06/21/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, as I was texting a friend, I was going to warm up some cold pizza. As I got finished with a text I put the pizza in the microwave and set the timer. After the timer ran out, I opened the door and smelled burnt plastic. Turns out phones aren't meant to be in the microwave. FML

#3083696
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11745) - you deserved it (55723)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:34am - misc - by TBaggins00 (man) - United States (Illilois)

Today, my friend told me she had a stalker who had been emailing her. I laughed, and told her it was probably some fat, ugly virgin sat behind his computer all day. I then continued to describe and mock the stalker, only to realise that I was basically describing myself. FML

#3083519
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11689) - you deserved it (48980)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:26am - misc - by TheHatedOne (man) - Qatar (Ad Dawhah)

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug addicted friends into my home while I was away where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

#3083208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45597) - you deserved it (4907)

On 06/21/2009 at 3:09am - money - by myheadhurts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was thinking about how people say if you're gradually introduced to a smell or you're forced to deal with enough, you'll stop noticing it. And how untrue that is. Especially when your roommates sneak a dead rabbit under your bed. FML

#3082688
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37827) - you deserved it (2421)

On 06/21/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML

#3080092
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14419) - you deserved it (41284)

On 06/21/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by Crispy (man) - United States (Texas)



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