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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, the girl I've been dating asked me to describe her body. I said "Thin an toned but curvy in all the right places." I then asked her the same question to which she replied, "I don't know, you know I'm always drunk when we're together." FML

#7667037
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29699) - you deserved it (4423)

On 01/29/2010 at 3:43am - love - by pugs - Sent from mobile version

Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML

#7666116
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12555) - you deserved it (56406)

On 01/29/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mum got upset with me for getting my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

#7663968
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29672) - you deserved it (3076)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:49am - health - by mirrorfad - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went in to work and was handed a write-up for having lied about being sick in order to leave early yesterday. Apparently, a co-worker saw me leave the parking lot, then immediately pull into the shopping center next door. I was going to Walgreens for cold medicine. FML

#7662732
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31868) - you deserved it (2153)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - health - by sixxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

#7662711
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7179) - you deserved it (29211)

On 01/29/2010 at 12:10am - work - by ke (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

#7657890
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29894) - you deserved it (4237)

On 01/28/2010 at 10:32pm - love - by oregongrl1991 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was skiing really fast and there was a sign saying 'Slow Down'. Feeling rather good about myself I decided to jump over the sign. Whilst jumping, however, I caught my ski tips on the sign and went face first into the ground. Hard. FML

#7653625
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5757) - you deserved it (52853)

On 01/28/2010 at 9:01pm - health - by Skier (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

#7651599
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30125) - you deserved it (2524)

On 01/28/2010 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was working at IHOP serving a table full of drunk idiots. After an hour of taking care of them I went to clean up their mess to find the tip they had left me. On a napkin a girl had wrote "Here's your tip for the night: Don't play leap frog with unicorns." FML

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

#7644326
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9364) - you deserved it (51053)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:25pm - misc - by Lance (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

#7644201
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11704) - you deserved it (34634)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by Whoops - Sent from mobile version

Today, while at work, my boss asked me to clean the bathroom. Someone pooped on the floor and I stepped in it, dropping my manager's keys into the toilet. I then had to clean up my shoe and the floor and put my hand in the toilet to get the keys. FML

#7643965
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32410) - you deserved it (3788)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:12pm - work - by sucksssssss - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

#7643395
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32896) - you deserved it (4874)

On 01/28/2010 at 2:35pm - misc - by bw9669 - Canada (Ontario)



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