Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

by Lifes_a_bust / 08/08/2010 at 12:22pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I was training a new person. The job included driving around the city all day, during which she decided to hang her head out the window and bark like a dog. I spent an 8 hour shift with her. FML

by XxDanno316xX / 08/08/2010 at 10:52am / United States / Work

Today, we got new doors fitted. There were new locks on the bathroom, to the reluctance of my mother, who thought one of us would lock ourselves in. "Only an idiot would lock themselves in," I said, and shut the door to demonstrate. I locked myself in. FML

by Lola / 08/08/2010 at 10:32am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

by LadyGagasLOVER / 08/08/2010 at 4:49am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was in the checkout line at Foodmax around 11:30pm. Three girls behind me were buying Tequila, salt and some limes. I was buying frozen pizza and some toilet paper. They were going to an awesome party. I was going home to eat pizza by myself. FML

by joe / 08/08/2010 at 3:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

by Indigo_Kitten / 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2010 at 7:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

by TRalalla / 08/07/2010 at 1:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

by Single / 08/07/2010 at 7:01am / France (Bretagne) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of one year told me not to walk beside him because people might "think we're together". FML

by WastedTime / 08/07/2010 at 2:06am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I decided to clear up some storm damage. I carefully cut a tree that was threatening to fall on my house. It fell on my neighbor's house instead. He's taking me to court for damages. FML

by Zinfandel / 08/07/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband thought it'd be funny to trigger the alarm in the house while I was sleeping. Shocked, I ran outside naked. FML

by Hunterxx / 08/07/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Illinois) / Love