Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

#7760741
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29535) - you deserved it (3449)

On 01/31/2010 at 10:16pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

#7757731
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26493) - you deserved it (3207)

On 01/31/2010 at 9:12pm - misc - by youlyingjerk (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

#7753235
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you deserved it (4534)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)

Today, after a 9 hour train journey through the Polish mountains, I mistook a small black and white cat for a penguin. FML

#7753141
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7344) - you deserved it (25776)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:21pm - animals - by saintmichi (woman) - Poland (Malopolskie)

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

#7753113
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20889) - you deserved it (3667)

On 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

#7744599
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8761) - you deserved it (33015)

On 01/31/2010 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized what all the women I've been with have in common: Craigslist. FML

#7743505
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7905) - you deserved it (28050)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:42pm - love - by depr3ssed (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

#7742819
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26285) - you deserved it (3350)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:07pm - health - by snidpea - Sent from mobile version

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

#7742822
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21517) - you deserved it (36308)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

#7739701
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30997) - you deserved it (3263)

On 01/31/2010 at 9:46am - misc - by bthms - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

#7738687
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34377) - you deserved it (2567)

On 01/31/2010 at 8:35am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I peed myself. FML

#7736774
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36013) - you deserved it (13310)

On 01/31/2010 at 5:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was in the car with my cousin and we saw a family of three. They where all really fat and the lady was holding 2 boxes of pizza. I decided to roll down the window and scream "fatasses" as loud as I could while my cousin drove off. They were going to the same house we were. FML

#7732891
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7439) - you deserved it (91562)

On 01/31/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by lauris1306 - Canada (Ontario)

kittiekat's comment : you are a total asshole

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