Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

by wakinginvegas87 / 09/05/2010 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

by urgg / 09/05/2010 at 10:20am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

by misunderstood / 09/05/2010 at 6:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML

by ohmydog / 09/05/2010 at 4:14am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 1:22am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

by kaytay2469 / 09/05/2010 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

by jentea / 09/04/2010 at 10:22pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

by ow / 09/04/2010 at 7:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

by pencilring / 09/04/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Love

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

by Username / 09/04/2010 at 9:24am / Love

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

by Lewis / 09/04/2010 at 7:02am / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy