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Man or woman?

Today, me and my girlfriend went paintballing. I made sure we were on the same team, so I could protect her and be manly. The first time she got shot was by me, I shot her finger. It broke. FML

#2268591
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17467) - you deserved it (48584)

On 05/25/2009 at 6:35am - misc - by AquaRevolver (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

#2267946
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83879) - you deserved it (4789)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:54am - intimacy - by ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

#2267588
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55559) - you deserved it (6169)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:33am - animals - by jackelking (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

#2267007
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48743) - you deserved it (3708)

On 05/25/2009 at 3:43am - misc - by hahahah111 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

#2264507
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35472) - you deserved it (53994)

On 05/25/2009 at 1:39am - love - by downer (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother came up to me a swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

#2262925
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46951) - you deserved it (2756)

On 05/25/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I told my dad that I was going to sleep over my friends house this weekend with a few other guys to play Dungeons and Dragons. He responded with, "Oh, back in my day, me and my pals used to pick on the kids who played Dungeons and Dragons." FML

#2261901
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22103) - you deserved it (53045)

On 05/25/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by ninjawhat1337 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out my parents joined the mile high club. While I was on the plane. FML

#2257216
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62967) - you deserved it (4345)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:17pm - intimacy - by boardman (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML

#2255530
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36038) - you deserved it (11322)

On 05/24/2009 at 9:35pm - misc - by kiki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

#2252019
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11246) - you deserved it (53159)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Tyler_Padgett (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

#2251338
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73649) - you deserved it (7264)

On 05/24/2009 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I collided heads at a soccer game and needed 13 stitches in my head. I texted all my contacts to let them know I was in the hospital. I got back one response that said "bitch got what you deserve" it was from my cousin. No one else ever texted me back. FML

#2248680
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46916) - you deserved it (23988)

On 05/24/2009 at 6:14pm - misc - by anonymouss (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

#2247907
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50110) - you deserved it (4110)

On 05/24/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by beep_guacamole (woman) - United States (California)



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