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Today, I flew from Chicago to San Francisco to get some of my stuff out of a storage unit. I left the keys for the padlock at home. FML

#2530639
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19438) - you deserved it (48266)

On 06/02/2009 at 12:14pm - misc - by Tom (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

#2529769
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36940) - you deserved it (22137)

On 06/02/2009 at 11:33am - animals - by dumb (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I saw the FW: from my wife. FML

#2527360
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85246) - you deserved it (7043)

On 06/02/2009 at 8:19am - intimacy - by Ariel (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my boyfriend and parents went out to dinner. As we started the meal, my boyfriend proposed and the restaurant burst into applause. My mother said without hesitation and a large scowl, "If you say yes, I'm leaving." FML

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

#2526721
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65982) - you deserved it (5975)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:08am - kids - by fallsdownplenty45 (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year finally told me he loved me. This revelation was quickly followed by "at least, I think this is how people feel when they say that." FML

#2526710
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41057) - you deserved it (4750)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:05am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML

#2525749
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45705) - you deserved it (20895)

On 06/02/2009 at 4:42am - misc - by holliefall (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

#2525381
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43280) - you deserved it (3681)

On 06/02/2009 at 3:55am - misc - by sierraisfucked (woman) - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

#2524291
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9871) - you deserved it (56057)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:39am - animals - by xacked (man) - United States (California)

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

#2524012
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43928) - you deserved it (21783)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:18am - kids - by failbaby (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

#2523600
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48719) - you deserved it (2173)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:05am - work - by smidge (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to a bar with some buddies, and after trying to pick up a few girls, one of my friends got a number. When I heard the number I said 'Sorry man, that's definitely the rejection hotline number'. So many girls have given me that number, I memorized it. FML

#2523037
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52370) - you deserved it (6023)

On 06/02/2009 at 1:41am - love - by toobad (man) - United States (Illinois)



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