Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

by skyphoenix / 08/12/2010 at 5:03am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

by antisocial / 08/12/2010 at 4:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

by malos / 08/12/2010 at 2:53am / United States / Work

Today, the girl who tormented my life for nine years was hired at my part-time job. We're assigned to work together on a three-month-long project which will involve tons of communication. FML

by anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2010 at 12:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching TV when a Toy Story 3 commercial came on. My Mom said, "Oh, I remember when I took you to see Toy Story. Now Andy's all grown up and so are you. The only difference is Andy is going to college and you're not." FML

by Chris / 08/11/2010 at 9:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

by oumalina / 08/11/2010 at 9:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

by anonymous / 08/11/2010 at 3:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

by Jorgina226 / 08/11/2010 at 12:33pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to a friend about this stranger I kissed a few nights ago while drinking. I commented that I was ashamed of doing so, and to make matters worse, the guy was really unattractive. It turns out he was no stranger. I'd kissed my friend. FML

by nina / 08/11/2010 at 12:04pm / Luxembourg (Luxembourg) / Love

Today, because the two other managers decided to go on a spa day together, I had to stay at work despite the fact I spent most of the day throwing up in the bathroom. They called me to say what a good day they had. FML

by stuck / 08/11/2010 at 8:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for for his birthday in a couple of days. He replied "to be single" and walked out of the room. FML

by gutsforme / 08/11/2010 at 6:40am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

by Thepunchline / 08/11/2010 at 5:19am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Health